I only found 3 pages of your original sitch..is there more??
Unfortunately no, there was some big server crash or something way back then and most of my stuff from those days is gone...although truth be told it's simply a very classic, or "textbook," story of MLC, WAW, what-have-you...number two was somewhat different although the end result, obviously, was the same. If you look back at early 2007 you can probably get the basics of both.
By the way, I liked Ian's recommendation of what to say to your W next time that kind of discussion presents itself. The only other thing I would add is - when things like this come up, say the thing or things you need to (straightforward and with as much calmness as you can muster), and then zip it - I remember sooo many times that I would get into it and after 20-30 minutes realizing that we were just repeating the same things over and over after the initial part of the discussion/argument; you want to say what you need to, but also realize that there's a good chance she just won't get it, and repeating it or saying it louder won't change that. And I'll also repeat what I said in my initial post to you: she will say mean, vicious, sometimes downright vile things to you through out (as she obviously already has), since you KNOW this will happen use this knowledge to prepare yourself for it and do your best to let it go in one ear and out the other since she's not really rational or living in reality right now.
Keep up the good work dude - I know it's not easy...
Kev
Kev.
You're right. I know it's not easy. I did sling some stuff back last night and should not have but this is a trial by fire for all of us I think and there have been many calm times where I have thought about what I would say in certain situations and then all that just sort of flies out the window.
last night during her tirade and rewriting of history I can remember saying, "there you go again" a lot. When I said this she would stop dead in her tracks. it would shuut her up. She wants to be friendly and co-parent but does not "get" that I won't take a brow beating from a friend. I understand she wants out. I understand she wants me out of the house and I'm moving towards that as fast as I can. I understand she wants a D. She's getting what she wants. My whole problem with this process is the continued brow beatings she hands out. There's no need for that IMO. She's getting what she wants. You know all this..Hell you and Ian could write books about it I'm sure. This stuff is classic.
She's grieving now I think. It's something to see. She was letting the tears roll last night. I did not feel sorry for her. Looks like she may be going to where I've been the last month or so. To be honest, I don't think I was feeling anything for her. Contempt maybe?? I don't wish her harm or anything..I think I'm at a point where I just don't care much..if at all. You know what I'm saying?
This could be easier for both of us. Keep mouths shut and move forward...just gotta spew though. makes the future and dealing with her look a lot less rosy.
I'll do my best not to be baited again. Thanks for helping me. I'm going to read back some moreon your sitch. I take something from all I read.
