No worries about hijacks here! Thanks everyone - this is great to hear all the different perspectives from wise people! I think one leftover result of my divorce is that I tend to not trust my gut like I used to - which is strange, because really, my gut never failed me. My "gut" told me to marry my H becuase it was right, and it also told me something was wrong several months before both OW's...so in that sense, my gut was always right.
I think what my intuition (gut) is telling me now is that BF is not going to be able to let this go and just enjoy our R as it is without worrying about where it will go. We met for coffee yesterday, and he immediately began talking about our "problems" again...I just wanted to enjoy a cup of coffee before I had to go home and make dinner! He kept me there, talking in circles, for more time than I had - the kids were upset that I was late, I was feeling resentful that I had to be pulled in too many directions.
He says he feels me pulling back...and I am...but am I pulling back only becuase he is pushing, or because I have seen a few things that make me wonder if this has the potential for long-term? Both, actually...but the more he pushes as I pull back, the more frustrated I get, the less time I want to spend with him.
Seems in a way, a reverse of my last few months with XH...I wanted to "fix" and talk about our issues - he just wanted to let things drop. I did always wonder had I been less insistant we do SOMETHING to heal our marriage NOW, would the flirtation with OW have just faded away? Being on the other side of this...maybe - I will never know. Hard lesson to learn, even though I had the best of intentions in trying to save a 15 yr marriage - I went about it the wrong way (and found DB late in the game). And of course, this isnt the same type of R at all...
Well, in a way it is like TC said...I have told him what I can and can't do right now. What he does with that, in a way, is his problem and not mine. I regret hurting him (and it IS hurting him right now, even if we do keep seeing each other - he is a mess), but I can't be drawn into something that doesn't feel right. Whether it is the man or the timing that isn't right doesn't matter so much - it is the combination. Maybe a different personality would be able to step back and give me some space, and we could continue to enjoy dating. I don't know.
I have several very busy weeks coming up...and while I am sympathetic to where BF is coming from...I also just don't want to deal with drama from "what is our relationship? where are YOU in this?" stuff right now. The kids are out of school and want time with me...I have house projects that have been neglected as long as they should be and need done...the job hunt is in full swing...and I am teaching summer school and have to create two weeks of full lessons for 25 middle school kids who absolutely DO NOT want to be in school during July. Should be fun. I might need some of ALL's wine when this is over...
Thanks everyone - this is great to hear all the different perspectives from wise people! I think one leftover result of my divorce is that I tend to not trust my gut like I used to - which is strange, because really, my gut never failed me. My "gut" told me to marry my H becuase it was right, and it also told me something was wrong several months before both OW's...so in that sense, my gut was always right.
