It has been about a month since H and I had a talk with the Ds T. That is when H finally verbalized that he wants the big D. I told him then that he needed to find his own place and file. H has done neither. The T said she wanted us to come back and meet with her again before we talked to the Ds. I wanted to finish up the school year first and H was out of town. Then I was busy getting ready for vacation and actually going. I'm sure by now H has forgotten that he agreed to meet with the T and that he said he would talk then. Now I have to bring it up to H and I'm sure I'll get that look from him that I hate. I guess that means we will be dropping the big bomb on the Ds soon that they have been waiting for.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
Some of us learn good things and some of us learn bad things.
2x4: Both you and BBJ have taught your husbands that you have the patience of a saint. That they can continue to take advantage of you and there aren't consequences. Both of you have set rules (e.g., no cheating, move out, etc) but haven't shown them a consequence when they break or violate a rule.
Men are like dogs, sometimes it takes a shock collar to break a bad habit.
Some of us learn good things and some of us learn bad things.
2x4: Both you and BBJ have taught your husbands that you have the patience of a saint. That they can continue to take advantage of you and there aren't consequences. Both of you have set rules (e.g., no cheating, move out, etc) but haven't shown them a consequence when they break or violate a rule.
Men are like dogs, sometimes it takes a shock collar to break a bad habit.
OUCH! I bruise easily, but you are right Woog.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
Woog, I am a tough a$$ when it comes to kids. Unfortunately I lack a backbone when it comes to dealing with H. I am working on that though. It is time to get tough as all get out with him.
When I got home tonight H told me where he took the Ds for dinner. Both of his nights this week he took them out to dinner. POs me that he does that...I feel he should cook for them at least one of his nights.
D10 got upset a couple of times this today because it is H's weekend. There is something she wants to do on Sunday and she doesn't think H will take her. I told her she will have to talk to him about it. I feel they need to start standing up to him also.
When H was leaving tonight I walked out with him. I mentioned that last month he had agreed to talk to the D's T together about how we tell the Ds the news. I said I thought we should go in this coming week and he agreed. I asked him what day would be good and H was trying to figure things out in his head. Then he mumbled something, to which I said "what?" H replied nothing but I think the ars said "the sooner the better." So apparently H plans to go through with this and I guess I say the sooner the better. Right now I am mad at myself that I wasted the last year trying to save this marriage. Hopefully I will at least save myself. I don't think there is any saving H.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
We can't save them, just like the kids we teach. They have to want it badly, too. We can spend all the time in the world nurturing them (men AND kids) but if they don't want it, it won't work....
You know in your heart you tried. You had to do that didn't you? You couldn't live not trying. It is what makes you special.
Be strong. Be firm. I will lend you the 2x4 to use on him if you need it. Right now is when you need to be strong. For the rest of your life you are going to remember to way you acted at this point in your life. Make yourself proud. I believe in you.
