Where is the real me? What do I want?

[Purple]

How do I work out whether I want to be with him?

I can see that he was trying but last week and on Monday night I heard alien spew out of his mouth again. I don't want to be in a relationship where he makes up his mind what I meant by my behaviour and words and won't listen to me try to explain my side of things. Must remember to type the vacation care example to illustrate later.

This is not going to make sense to anyone but I am just going to type adn journal and see where it takes me. I have a paper journal but I have slowed down writing in it lately.

I read somewhere on here that their communication with their WAS is always riddled with misunderstandings. I feel that way with us, I wish I could feel relaxed talking to him but I don't. I can't even carry on a non-relationship conversation with him. He just doesn't seem that interested in the things I am interested in.

I can never find the words to explain myself. I'll be walking down the street and I'll be hit with clarity of how I feel and why and what I need to do but as soon as I start thinking about writing it down or typing it up, it goes whoosh out of my head.