Journaling, ... one other thought about the AD's working... the downside is that the clarity of our sitches also become apparent. It really distressed me that even though I seemed more "even"... that I'd still find myself in those "bad days" or bad couple of hours where I"d just as soon stay in bed and cry.
My T says those "bad days" will come and go... in part now because my brain is remapping in a way... and the sadness is a reflection of my need to mourn the relationship, the loss of it. I had actually thought these things would numb me right out. Nope, ... bummer ;)...
Me, coming around to becoming my old self ... is bitter sweet, I know the H is going to rationalize that I'm better off "alone" than us living together and being together etc etc etc. Frankly he's a mental health snob,... I've decided I'm not going to even bother trying to explain the changes he may see or not see,... he'll already make up his own mind about me, one way or the other. Shame really, but more of that "defeat" factor I guess. If he was genuinely interested, I'd explain it to him. But it would really would come down to an R type talk. Not something I'm going to engage with him unless he decides he wanted to be my husband again.
My T says he needs to hit rock bottom. Giving him ammo about my "process" only allows himself to reroute his rationalization that this is still all MY fault... I have to let him crash and burn without giving him extra "steps" to put on me, and blame on me.
This truly is a strange path we find ourselves on, isn't it.
Abbey
Last edited by Abbey; 06/26/0811:50 AM.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
