Withdrawal of OM and coping

[Hope4us]

This OM became my boyfriend and he would say things like: "I'd treat you like a queen", "I'd make you so happy", "I want you as my wife", "I want you to have my baby", on top of all the many complimentary things he says. I really do feel he means them all, and I do feel that we would be happy, but long term is where I am unsure. If H and I had more of an intimate relationship, and if we could only laugh together, we would have it all. Can you be happy in a life where there is little or no passion/intimacy feelings and no laughter? We respect each other, but even before marriage, we didn't have "fun" together.

My guess is that we can fix those things, it will just take work and time and me not contacting the OM. So, time it will be. If anyone things those things are unfixable, let me know now.....I don't want to do all of this for nothing.

WDID, Like I've said before, I really don't know you or your H and your sitch other than what you've said here, but I wanted to reply to the thinks your OM told you.

I've been very close to two instances of infidelity. Both my WW and my very good friend Deb. And I can tell you that both of their OM's said the exact same things to them. Deb's OM told her "I'd treat you like a queen" (exactly the same as your sitch). My WW's OM told her "I can make you happy forever" and "Why couldn't we have met a long time ago", etc, etc.

But you know what? If both of these OM really felt that way, why did they move on so quickly? In my sitch, when OM moved away from our town to his new location ~250 miles away, I'm almost 100% sure he found a new GF within 3 months. So not only was he cheating on his wife with my wife, but he was cheating on his mistress with a new OW all the while telling my WW that "we'll be together forever", blah, blah, blah. In fact, one weekend he told WW he was going home (he lives 1000 miles from his wife and kids) to discuss divorce with his wife so WW and he could be together after she divorced me. WW sent him a text asking how their talk went and he told her that his wife and kids had gone out to dinner without him so he didn't have a chance to talk to her, but he would the next day and let her know "how to proceed". Don't know what lie he told WW the next day, but a couple weeks later when I first talked to OMW, she told me he wasn't even home that weekend.

See, OP's are very good at telling you EXACTLY what you want to hear. Heck, they might even believe it when they say it, but I would guess most times they are just so caught up in the fantasy of it all that they'll say whatever they can to keep it going. But when reality hits, they're gone.

Can you have that intmacy with your H? Maybe yes, maybe no. But you'll never know until you get through your WD from OM and give your M a real chance.

In the end maybe your marriage won't make it. But at least you will make the decision without the OM clouding the picture.

TIME, TIME, PATIENCE, PATIENCE