H is having affair after all - part 3

[Evie]

Thanks for your support Trip. How are you on your own, did you ever or did H ever want to reconcile?

The house is going up for sale in a couple of weeks and i have all my financial documentation ready for my solicitor. I know i need to get it to her but am stalling and I don't know why as i know i'm only putting off teh inevitable.

H's actions and emotions are still very distant towards me although he still contacts me regularly regarding the business or the boys.

He had a problem at work last week, and it was me he phoned trying to find out if i had heard anything that may affect his job as he had a feeling the school was trying to get rid of him. I said i couldn't help him as i didn't know anything as i had asked the managers not to tell me anything that could compromise me.

I did say to H that he done himself no favours by continuiung to have OW work valuntarirly alongside him on the poolside. I siad he had being asked to use his discretion and intergrity and he had not and he continued to rub my nose in his affair. When i said that people still thought that the A was still ongoing he didn't deny it. I told him i couldn't help him or fix it for him this time.

I then had an email from him that said he was in no fit state to have the boys that night, would i kiss them and tell them daddy loves them. WTF!!!! I nearly said to him that i had been to hell and back b/c of him over the 2 years and there was plenty of times i just wanted to take to my bed and stay there, but the kids gave me the very reason to get out of bed and that he should draw strength from them as i had done. Couldn't be bothered tho and just said i had arrangements to go out and would drop them off. What a selfish bas*ard....talk about pity party.

I don't really know how to say how i'm doing. I'm much better and getting stronger all the time, i'm happier on my own than living as unhappily as i now know i was. I'm getting out all the time and i hardly think of H anymore. He has lied to me that much that the lies roll off his tongue that easily now that he has no conscious. He's chasing a dream and i think he's unhappy with himself.

Every text or email with his name on sends my stomach churning. I think 'what now'. I wish i could fast forward to a years time when hopefully most things are sorted if not finalised and i can have as little to do with him as possible.

i have a tattoo booked for today as a present to myself.

I also have a male friend who i've known for years, we were both married, but there has been an attraction there for both of us. I go out with him as a friend, but thats getting more often and he txts me daily. He makes me laugh, which is so far removed from my relationship with H, where he looks like he would break before sahring a laugh with me.

I think the old me is re-emerging.

X Evie