Summer Time is Here

[Trip]

Sounds a lot like this guy. He doesn't want to participate in anything. She is so full of life and he is not. honestly, I don't blame her. And like your friend she is not out trolling or anything. She hasn't even tried to date since leaving. He tells the other friends what has been said here that she is having a MLC but I am sorry, I don't think so and even if she is, I really can't blame her. I really feel for her in being stifled.

Yeah, mine wasn't like that either. He would want to APPEAR to be the nice guy so there is no way he would let that happen. LOL!

It really does show you that there really is two sides, doesn't it and how we can actually see the other side and see how it would be for the WAS. Of course, there are extremes and the cheaters and baddies but in some cases I can really understand that need and want to be free.

[naej]

Yes always two sides and the extremes! Strange but I was just thinking that I really should stop reading new posts I sort of get hooked into some and now I find that I am thinking the unthinkable which is I actually feel sorry for the spouse and not the poster.
Maybe its just another sign of the boards changing. Friction and groupies abound.I,ve never been much good as a sheep.
My neighbours are having problems and dispite the years I dbed I find myself thinking let him go and get on with your life don't wait years. I don't say any of this just try to console and listen and lend my support and help whenever I can.
Your friends are lucky to have you in their lives. Why is it so complicated.
If there wasn,t just me and my pets I think I might have my own MLC, but who would notice.

[BethM]

If there wasn,t just me and my pets I think I might have my own MLC, but who would notice.

Boy naej isn't that the truth. If my kids did notice they'd probably smack me upside the head and tell me to snap out of it!

[Committed2Him]

Karen,

What was she doing that caused things to turn the corner? Maybe a return to those things?

One of the things I "think" I have learned is that we are not responspible for another person's happiness and that we should strive for contentent in our lives.

I just wonder if she got really busy finding fulfillment in life and was a little less avaible to him if he would start to miss her? Not leave him but just be so content, vibrant, a bit mysterious, unconditionally doing some things for him, might he reciprocate?

If he has always been a bit aloof, that is the package she bought and now wants to change it after all these years. If he changed, why so? If he was once not aloof what will it take to get him back?

Right now it just sounds like her displeasure is going cause him to withdraw more and the cycle will spiral downward.

My neighbor is married to a good guy. Some years back she was going to the grocery store and fantsizing about a checker (she told my X) fortunately she didn't do anything rash and they seem to be doing great. The grass always seems greener but we know, in divorce it never really is. Yeah we are making the best of this situation but it is not ideal.

Just some food for thought.

[Trip]

Yes always two sides and the extremes! Strange but I was just thinking that I really should stop reading new posts I sort of get hooked into some and now I find that I am thinking the unthinkable which is I actually feel sorry for the spouse and not the poster.
Maybe its just another sign of the boards changing. Friction and groupies abound.I,ve never been much good as a sheep.
My neighbours are having problems and dispite the years I dbed I find myself thinking let him go and get on with your life don't wait years. I don't say any of this just try to console and listen and lend my support and help whenever I can.
Your friends are lucky to have you in their lives. Why is it so complicated.
If there wasn,t just me and my pets I think I might have my own MLC, but who would notice.

I see what you are saying. I say I understand her and I totally get how she thinks and for her, she has worked on things and tried different things but like all of us, we have different breaking points. I am sure he has his stuff too but he was a different man when dating and so she felt misled but tried for more than 25 years.

To tell you the truth, I think it is okay to feel sorry for the WAS at times. After all, we only get one side here for the most part. I can say with all honesty that I have felt sorry and bad for my husband. I admit I wasn't the best wife and in the early years, I just wasn't mature enough to speak up or to not be embarrassed to seek help for some of my issues. He cheated and left dealing with it in the way he knew how to handle it.

[KarenMarieS]

Yeah, mine wasn't like that either. He would want to APPEAR to be the nice guy so there is no way he would let that happen. LOL!

oh Trip
Your ex sounds so much like mine! For the longest time after he left, he would say,," I bet your friends hate me uh?" umm what about me hating you? lol
Always wanted to be Mr. Nice Guy.

I think you are right, there are two sides, I know for a fact there are things I could of done to be a better wife to my ex- Do not think they were terrible things, but def things that prob didnt make things easier and I see that now. Running away like he did , the affairs, thats what is wrong I believe. Not the best way to handle it.

Its funny when yo step back a few years what you can see, it could be too why I dont have the same disdain for ex like I once had.

[KarenMarieS]

Hey Naej!

My neighbours are having problems and dispite the years I dbed I find myself thinking let him go and get on with your life don't wait years. I don't say any of this just try to console and listen and lend my support and help whenever I can.

I feel this way exactly about C. For a few years I would tell her its not all that great out there C!! its hard! Wanting her to just try. I have honestly seen her try, I can see she loves this man a lot, but he really is a hard A**, nice to us all, just well she is surprised to hear of the things B and I do together and J and her H, or our other friends, simple things like mentioning going to a swap meet or flea market ,,she is shocked our SO go with us and enjoy it! and weekends away? never

They seem to live seperate lives.
She just turned 50 she is full of life and i dont like to see her squished if that makes sense, but would never tell her to D him. Just maybe take a break sorta like B daughter and her H are doing right now.

[KarenMarieS]

Hey C2
I totally understand what you are saying, totally ( gawwd I sound like a valley girl uh? lol)

There are some aspects of their R I dont understand, her H D use to be an alcholic, I dont understand all that she tells me of how when he got sober 10 yrs ago, he started to withdraw more into himself. To me that didnt make sense. She tries to explain it, but dont get it.

Also, their oldest S, hes 36, he has been diagonsed as bi polar,so he lives there, works a few hours very few at a burger place- dosnt speak to anyone but C really. C H dosnt speak to him, C says he is dissapointed his son is " like that"
It must be very hard for C, she knows basically he will be relying on them for the rest of his life His meds help a bit but not much, he really dosnt seem to function very well out there in the world. Its sad for everyone.

We all went to lunch together a few weeks ago, we walk in the rest. and C and I hug and Bob hugs C and her H D sat there, no hi , nothing. I said HELLLOOOO D then he says hi!
At lunch he will laugh at our jokes and all but dosnt contribute to the convo.

C is talker so B thinks maybe he cant get a word in edgwise lol

All great thoughts guys thanks!
I was hoping things were better , but apparently not. Dont like seeing friends hurt

[KarenMarieS]

What was she doing that caused things to turn the corner? Maybe a return to those things?

Wellll lol she accused him of having an affair lol yup,actually I didnt say it, but it went thru my mind too because of a few things she told me.
They had a big blow out that lasted for days , she did her usual threaten to leave, but this time packed and made plans w/ her sister.
They decided to calm down and try to be civil, seemed to work for a month or so.

He brought flowers home even!
I asked her could she reel him back in? She said she does and he will be attentive for a month then back to normal.
Sometimes I put it down to just being married awhile Yet we have friends who are mad about each other who have been married forever!

[KarenMarieS]

I can say with all honesty that I have felt sorry and bad for my husband. I admit I wasn't the best wife and in the early years, I just wasn't mature enough to speak up or to not be embarrassed to seek help for some of my issues. He cheated and left dealing with it in the way he knew how to handle it.
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Trip
I have felt like this a lot!