Piecing with sparkie

[sparkie]

My W and I talked some more about how she was able to come back to our M. It's still a little complicated in her mind, but she's agreed to post here in the near future to try and explain it the best she can.

Getting to the point of Piecing our M back together required more than the efforts of just myself. I am here today because both my W and I have courage, determination, patience, faith, and a love for life that allowed us both to change.

Once again my W has said that the less pressure she felt from me, the more clearly she could focus on herself. Once she felt in her mind that I would be able to survive without her by my side, she felt free and secure in taking care of herself. She was then able to start making some needed changes in herself that allowed her to truly see and feel what she wanted and needed in her life.

One of my biggest fears was that if my W saw me as "happy" and moving on with my life without her, she would find it easier to continue walking away from me. My fear was unfounded as my W has told me that my "happiness" and seeing me moving on was what helped her the most. This may not be true for every sitch out there, but it makes sense if you think about it. My W knew how much I loved her and that I would be waiting for her return if and when the time came. My W's decision to come back to our M was not forced by me in any way...no pressure, no guilt, just my W's decision based on her own feelings.

Some DBing techniques I employed that enabled my W and I to move forward, and eventually here to Piecing...

I used the "act as if" technique 99.9% of the time

I gave W her space

I detached myself from my W as her H and became her friend

I started a life of my own

I was understanding and supportive of my W

I searched inside of myself for things I wanted to change about me, for me

I focused on myself as often as I could

I worked with a beginners mind...what's done is done...learn from the past...live for today...build for the future

I prayed for the patience needed to get through each day

I kept the faith in myself and my W

I released my anger and frustrations here or in private

I did not initiate any R talk

I did not snoop into my W's life

I stopped playing the role of the victim in my sitch

I never stopped loving my W for who she is or was, alien or otherwise

Chances are good that your WAS still loves you (ILYBINILWY), so hold on to it and keep your faith in that love. The love I now feel between my W and I is stronger than ever before!