Does a WAW want you to fight for them?

[sandi2]

Hi, I am going to try to respond to some things you have said or done and I hope you will be open minded about this. I am speaking as a woman who almost wallked away from 41 years of M.

Besides I made a movie of her pictures with family and friends and want to give it to her when our friends are there to watch as well.

It's too late now since you've already done that, but I would have told you not to do it! Presure, presure, presure! Guilt trip, guilt trip, guilt trip. Of couse she acted happy in front of all your friends. How did you think she would respond? You really put her in a tight. Yes, she texted you and told you she like the video, but then after you would not leave it alone, she told you that she wished you had given it to her in private! Can you not understand at all where she is coming from?

think she brings me in to a certain point and then pushes back. I guess it does give me false hope, maybe she is trying to avoid that. I am trying to show her that I have learned so much over the last several months and that I can be the person she needs me to be.

Am I to pushy, How should I handle the Bday dinner and time at the bar?

Yes! You are waaaaay too pushy! Have you not read the DR book at all? You sent her flowers at the office and she did not like that one bit and told you. Now you are trying to celebrate her birthday as though the two of you are still together. Get this and get it straight.......SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW! Okay? Everything you are doing is pushing her farther away man. You waited too late to try to do everything she wanted all those years. You screwed up......face it!

She tells me to stop searching for and excuse, it just happened and we are both to blame. But on the other hand, she tells me she is depressed and crys every night. She shows very little emotion around me. I just want to tell her lets give another shot, we can make it work. Her response is its to late, and I fell out of love with you

That is exactly how she is feeling right now. She feels like she did all the work in the M and now anything you do is too late.....get it?

You asked if WAW's want their H's to fight for them? Not in the sene you are thinking....No they don't. To be blunt (and I know I am hitting you with a 2x4 here, but you aren't listening to what people are trying to tell you) but the WAW is sick of her H and doesn't want to be around him and doesn't want to be reminded of anything about their R now or in the past. They don't want to hear from them or be romanced. They feel that all of that is over and it is too late. Yes, they are much a basket case of nerves and emotions b/c it is something they don't just wake up one morning and decide to leave a terrible M. They think about it for a long time. It is devasting to them and that is why you often see differnt emotions show in them.

Do you really want to fight for your WAW? Are you serious abou it and listen to us? If you are, then you will use the DB principles....that is fighting for your M! That is the fight of your life, but I don't think you are getting it and you need to real fast if you want a second chance. She sounds like a classy lady that would not embarrase you in front of friends, etc. However, look how you put pressure on her and took advantage of her at the party.....even after the big display of "look at what I did for you" video.

Early during the night, I gave the w a hug.

Why? She is separated from you man. She is talking divorce! And here you go in front of everyone (again taking advantage of the situation b/c you know she won't cause a scene) and try to hug her. Not appropriate at all.

She responded with you can't be hanging on me like that. I said no problem I understand.

She tried to tell you, but did you listen? You thought you handled the rejection well......

Being sure to not look disappointed and all.

You didn't b/c you would not leave it alone. Here you go again, putting more pressure on her in front of friends.....

Later that night I asked her to dance and she said yes. So we slow danced to a song, and danced to a few others.

So, you probably thought the entire time you were really making progress and she was thinking, "How can I get this man to see what he is doing is hopeless?" I can grant you that she was miserable the entire time you were dancing those slow dances. She may have smiled and put up a good appearance, since you had her in a bind, but I bet she was not a happy camper.

We never talked about the relationship or anything. We just had a good time.

Were you expecting for her to talk about the MR while you two were out on the dance floor? A birthday party would hardly be the time and place for a R talk. Then you go and say that "we had a good time"......get your eyes open man.

She left about a half hour before me.

Does that tell you anything? Do you see a message at all in that action? No, you probably don't! If you had been the one DBing, you would have left the party a half hour before her!

On my way home I was going to send her a txt thanking her for a wonderful night, but I didn't.

Thank God!

So today, I am taking her to dinner to give her the present for our daughter. It will be the three of us.

And, why do you have to have the wife along to give the D a gift? That is not detaching. You are still finding ways to try to hang on or make her be with you. This is only another trap to get her to spend time with you. And so are the games......

She called about an hour after her last txt above to ask what time we are going and what time my softball games are?. I said I don't care what ever works best for her, and I am skipping the games to celebrate your bday. That is something I never would have done in the past. But I am trying to show her that she is my priority, and that I am changing.

I'm sorry for being so rough on you, but you are so blind about all of this. You are not doing it the right way. You need to detach....first. That has to be the first step and you are not doing it.

Sunday meet the w at her work to get a book shelf. The plan was to meet at her work and get the shelf and go to dinner.

Whose plan? Yours, I'm sure. Another trap.

We spent a couple hours at her work, while she did some odds and ins. Just had small talk about her job and our daughter.

After two hours....that should have been a strong enough hint to get the heck out of Dodge! Why do you keep pushing?

She ask if we could go to dinner later in the week, because she was not hungry.

She is tring to be nice and tell you that she isn't interested, but you aren't getting it.

i said no problem. She was nice but a little guarded I could tell.

Well, it was about time.

The night before was wonderful, but I could sense she was worried about the false hope thing. After all she is totally addiment about the divorce.

The night before had been wonderful for you! She could see how you took it too far and of course she thinks you are getting your hopes up.

After all she is totally addiment about the divorce.

Thursday is our Aniversary, I ask if she wanted to meet for dinner with no strings attached. She said she is busy, has to get her hair done.

Oh man! That is the oldest excuse in the world for not going out with anyone. She is sending the message so loud it should burst your ear drums. And your part about the "no strings attached"......yeah, right.

I can tell if I don't contact her for a day or two she starts contacting me. My sister who was a WAW, no divorced keeps telling me that I have to let her miss me.

So.....will you listen? Your wife had not been given a chance to miss you. You need to completely do some serious 180's and detach like crazy. I don't think you've even read the book....it doesn't sound like it. Maybe you better go back and do it again.

Everyone else has been nice and sweet and I come along and hit you over the head. I realize that. You want a WAW's opinion? You've gotten it. If you want to know what works.......I can tell you that what you are doing is NOT working! And, I can tell you that you better start DBing your a$$ off or kiss her good-bye. You have gone about all of this the wrong way. You need to get your eyes open and open your ears!!

If you don't like what I've said....that is fine, but I have told you the truth. That's what you asked for. Or at least I thought you wanted to hear from WAW's.

I sincerely hope you will re-read the book and read what other WAW's have posted. Read other forums and other people's stories.

Do what works. Stop going down cheesless tunnels.

Sandi