Tim, hi, I'm just going to throw some things out here & you tell me if anything resonates....okay ???
The first thing I needed from H was for him to provide empathy when I spoke to him about any issue that was bothering me. I wanted him to listen, make eye contact, lean forward, pay attention. Care about what was important to me. Rule #1 When a woman cries offer to hold her. No matter what she's crying about, sad movie, happy tears, hallmark card commercial, offer to hold her.
Here's my worst extreme example of cold non-empathy DAM. I tried to talk to him about being abused as a child. He wants to fix it right. He wants to make it all better, he says "you need to get over that, it was a long time ago". What I needed to hear was "that must have been horrible", or "what was that like for you?". That's empathy. Trying to put yourself in the other persons shoes. Imagine how they might feel to say what they said.
I needed verbal affection. I needed compliments & approval & acknowledgement. He was afraid to compliment my appearance because he thought I'd get a big head. WTF ??? Every other man I've ever talked to mentions my appearance, but the one I'm sleeping with doesn't ? That one really threw me. He would always say "you look nice". Nothing else. No creativity, no specificity, nothing. You look nice. When I spend an hour getting all decked out, trying to look super sexy & appealing, & he says "you look nice" in the same tone as when I was cleaning the garage the other day.......not good. DAM. I want a "WOW, d*mn woman, you look amazing". At least four times a year. I also want to hear compliments about my character, my integrity, my tenderness, my sensitivity, all the things that make me special to him & our kids.
I needed non sexual physical affection. Hugs, holding hands, touching. No groping, copping a feel, squeezing my butt, brushing against my boob, none of that. Nothing sexual. Just physical affection.
How's that for a start ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I want a "WOW, d*mn woman, you look amazing". At least four times a year. I also want to hear compliments about my character, my integrity, my tenderness, my sensitivity, all the things that make me special to him & our kids. 
