Thank you, Hoos, for helping to point out the things that I seem to be getting right when I question it all, especially with regards to the kids.
I do find myself not taking the little joys for granted, either. I think I have always taken time to "smell the roses," tuck memories away in my forever box when I have a joyful moment. I tend to remember in pictures and scenes (artist in me). A random one, for example, happened when x and I were driving down a random road in town, and out on someone's lawn were three kids, running and laughing the unaffected laugh of children. The leader was holding the string to a kite, while the other two ran close behind, each waving a small fan! It was like a scene out of a Norman Rockwell painting. I didn't know the kids, the family, etc., but that vision of pure joy has stayed with me for about 20 years.
My children are the very reason I am alive today, and I will be forever grateful for having them in my life.
My IC gave me two new goals for myself. One, to think up lots of new family "traditions" for the kids and I, making things special, and to make the new stuff fun and exciting. (D and I had a "girls' day" today: painted our nails, shared in making lunch for a picnic in the backyard, played badminton with the puppy trying to be monkey in the middle, laughing our heads off, played Shoots n Ladders, did our hair, etc). The other is to set some boundaries with x, in regards to the visitation, and the manner in which he speaks to me. The next time I hear a flash of anger from him, I will simply say that he can talk to me after he has calmed down, and hang up. That is, if we ever get on the phone. There was a brief call today about getting the kids that seemed to go well: very brief and cordial. I am still in awe that my interactions with him went from the most intimate to the most superficial, in such a short span of time.
