sparkie is a nickname used by my Vegas buddies. My W's favorite nickname for me is "puddin head" (like Moe used to call Curly...for you girls out there, that's from the Three Stooges).
After reading a few other sitches here in piecing, I can see that I am very fortunate to have a W that is willing and able to work togehter with me at the same pace. The biggest problem for me right now is to overcome the fear that resides in the back of my head that my W will leave me yet again. The only foundation for my fear is my memories of the past. I will slowly let those memories go as I see the changes in myself and my W.
For the first time in 14 years, my W has started to share her feelings with me. She was raised with a very strict father who didn't tolerate weakness(cying). My W said she and her 11 siblings were taught to be strong and to just get over it. This helps explain her stuffing and hiding her feelings and her "get over yourself" attitude that I've talked about over in my thread in Newcomers.
My W is now ready to deal with her feelings and discover ways to express them. I told her to take them(feelings) one at a time and I let her know that there is nothing she can't share with me. My W is afraid to hurt me and she may have feelings towards me that will cause me pain. I told her it's healthier to let those feelings out rather than stuffing them and allowing the resentment to build inside of her.
I too am starting to feel comfortable sharing my feelings again with my W. In the past when I shared feelings with my W, she seemed defensive and uncaring at times. As time went on, I started stuffing my feelings as well. Open and honest communication between us is the key. We are starting to trust each other with the understanding that our love can endure and even grow by our expressing our true selves.
I told my W that I want us back togehter, but only when her love for me is as solid and strong as my love is for her. When she's ready to dedicate and commit herself to this M 100%, she will let me know by placing my wedding ring back on my finger. (I gave her my ring with along with a letter when she dropped the bomb on me in Jan.).
Looking back, I see that many of my thoughts as to why my W left me are true. My W is tryng to recapture her lost teenage years and she's not ready to commit herself to being a W just yet. She said at her age(42), she's having a hard time keeping up with the "kids". I told her to take her time and to make sure she finds and experiences everything she feels missing from her life. My W thanked me for my patience and understanding and ensured me that my giving her space has helped take a lot of the pressure off of her.
Although being separated and living apart from my W is still difficult, I know it's necessary. Letting go and detaching from my W was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but the rewards(a new me ... a new W ... a new M) will make the effort well worth it. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, and I feel that our separation is the key to bringing us back together again.
- Mark
What goes around, comes around.
My sitch: "Third time's a charm?"
