Jethro..glad to read good things..your w seems to understand so much of what you feel..it must be very hard to forgive yourself..but keep working on it..forgiveness is very powerful...it sure makes sense that it will take along time to rid the crappy parts..they will always be there..but knowing how to rise above them is the trick.
Hello my good friend! I am happy to hear that things are still heading in the right direction for you. I know I don't visit here too much anymore, but I think about you often. I think I had suggested that Anxiety and Phobia Workbook to you way back...I know I have used it in the past with clients of mine and found it very helpful. Glad your W does too.
Quote: You have to forgive yourself for forgiving me.
OH MY GOD, this one hit me more than any 2x4 that deb could ever do!
this is so dang insightful it is not even funny. it's so crazy because i was one that always said "if he ever cheated on me i would leave him in a new york minute" and i haven't. and even tho i have forgiven him, something just hasn't felt right. i have blamed it on the fact that i haven't forgiven the OW yet. that in reality (in my reality) it was all her fault anyway and my hubby was just a pawn played by her...but i am gonna have to chew on this awhile, yes sir ree
this one make a whole hell of a lot of sense
wow, the insightful things you find on this board...
Interesting concept...forgiving ourselves for forgiving...
I'm not sure this is an issue for me. I never had a hard and fast stance on cheating...never entertained the notion that it could happen at all!
For me, forgiveness in this instance isn't something I have felt as an overwhelming, final sort of thing.
It's coming in waves, in bits...I've posted this before, but for some reason it seems that I can forgive the human weakness in finding solace in another, in feeling that our M was essentially dead, feeling trapped and wanting to feel better.
What I have a harder time with is the LIES. Not just covering the A's, but the lies told to OW about our M, about ME (for example that I'D cheated on HIM! ).
Also tough for me is the cruel treatment CJ put me through during that time...making it out to be ALL my fault. Being made to feel like an unwitting MONSTER.
It's still something I struggle with. But I feel that someday this WILL all be behind us....and we all the wiser for it.
Quoting shinybear: What I have a harder time with is the LIES. Not just covering the A's, but the lies told to OW about our M, about ME (for example that I'D cheated on HIM! ).
Also tough for me is the cruel treatment CJ put me through during that time...making it out to be ALL my fault. Being made to feel like an unwitting MONSTER.
I hear ya...but to me, this is part of the affair...it's not just the interaction with the other person but the whole lying/meanness/you must be the problem thingy.
Yah, thingy, that's it.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Wow Jethro, what a remarkable and insightful statement your W made:
Quote: You have to forgive yourself for forgiving me."
That is an amazing idea isn't it...Wow, I think that is exactly part of what 'holds me back'....I am having trouble forgiving myself for 'forgiving' him(at least allowing him his failure to be faithful). My EGO/self esteem get in the way of that self forgiveness. It's my fear of being a "sap."
I will have to give some serious time to think about your wife's statement, it certainly has merit!
The weather's cooling down in a hurry up here - especially in the evenings. So I am baking again. Made you some banana bread tonight! It's been a while, I'll put on the tea
As Zebra would say ... The M has been succesfully DB, now comes the work of creating a happy M (sounds like a good lead into a new thread) ... and jethro, for what its worth, I can envision you obtaining such a M, in fact I have felt that way since I first came by your post in January.
Thanks to everyone for all those responses. I have to be honest, sometimes I hesitate posting this kind of "positive" stuff because I fear that things will eventually take a negative turn. I know it's a bit doom and gloom, but I've been disappointed in the past...and we do know history has a tendency to repeat itself... Damn, it's so hard to trust again...
Quote: You have to forgive yourself for forgiving me.
I had a feeling you guys would find this one interesting...
Quoting Robin:Made you some banana bread tonight! It's been a while, I'll put on the tea.
How cozy that sounds, Robin. Yummy!
Quoting KAW:and jethro, for what its worth, I can envision you obtaining such a M, in fact I have felt that way since I first came by your post in January.
Well, you certainly felt that long before me, my friend. I agree that perhaps it's time to start a new thread...if I even start one...not sure...
).
... and jethro, for what its worth, I can envision you obtaining such a M, in fact I have felt that way since I first came by your post in January. 