potentially good ideas about cooking, and lawn... 'trades' arent very loving, though.
I'd say offer up the dinner as a freebie somehow.
then afterwards, ask him if he could help you out with the lawn sometime.
the lawn thing bothers me, though. wasnt that something he said at one point that he thought YOU should be doing, ladybug?
Originally Posted By: ms ladybug
... For me, I'd like him to take care of me by mowing the lawn!
and that's the problem. If you want to win back his affections... it's not about how "you'd like him to take care of you"... it needs to be more about how HE might like to take care of you. At some point, if you two get on the road to reconciling, there will be a time for you to bring up more of the things that you would like for yourself, and see what he has to say about it.
For now, though, there has to be some kind of happy medium between "things you dont really want", and "things he would like to do for you", that you can come up with...?
Last edited by Dom R; 06/25/0805:11 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
a bit more on "how he might like to take care of you".... I think he "wants to feel manly". On HIS scale. Some men's self-image, depends on how well they take care of their wives, in a "manly fashion". You know, stuff like, "a real man is a good provider, fixes things, blah blah"
"cutting the lawn" appears to rank zero on his "manly scale". So, probably better to find something else.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Well, the lawn was always his thing, and something he took pride in. When he moved out, he kinda used the lawn to rub it in my face to say how difficult it is without him and how I wanted him to move, I wanted him out, and now look...I have to mow the lawn. So, it's not neccesarily something he thought was "my job", he just wanted me to see how hard it is without him. (In reality, the lawn was the ONLY EXTRA thing I had to pick up since I do EVERYTHING anyway....enough of that). Last night, I said, "I'll mow the lawn before s2's party, but will you edge it, or show me how to use the edger." He said he would. Then, I said, "Are you working on our anniversary?" He said, "yes." To which I replied (stupidly) "It's not really an anniversay to celebrate right now." He asked what I meant, and I said, "well, he haven't been together for most of the past year." He was really mad about that comment, and said, "Why are you always so negative? You can't think that we can go out and celebrate that we're working on things? So what if it's not ON the date, we can go later or before. You're so negative!". I apologized, and told him of course I'd like to celebrate our anniversary, and I told him that we've worked hard to get to 8yrs.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
You can't think that we can go out and celebrate that we're working on things?
Good. Now you know that you are working on things. Excellent progress. Enjoy the anniversary. I bought a beautiful silk negligee for my anniversary last year. Told my husband it was his anniversary present. He didn't complain.
Wow! ok, unfortunately grouchy explosion from him, but... you're officially "working on things" now ? !!
that's a huge jump from "he's filing", to "we're working on things".... did I miss a post somewhere?
That's fantanstic!
(also... if you 're right about your guess about him only wanting you to mow, to know how difficult it is without him... Stop being so durn "I can do it!" attitude, and go the other way... Tell him, that you HATE doing the lawn, and how much you MISS him doing the lawn.... )
(and for gosh sakes if he comes over while you're doing it, and somehow offers to do it... let him?!!! )
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Well I don't think you missed a post anywhere. Maybe I did. He changes his mind constantly about what he wants, and without warning, the next thing out of his mouth will be, "I'm filing." So, I take it with a grain of salt. I like it, but I've been here before.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Fair enough.... just remember, that the best way to avoid not continuing to go back where you were before, is to not do the same things you did before, and do more positive things for your relationship instead. Sounds like you've got a good start there chin up.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
You can't think that we can go out and celebrate that we're working on things?
That's HUGE! I know you don't want to read too much into it, but this is great progress. Of course, there will be pullback, but when's the last time he said that?
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
It is great progress!!! I mean, in his mind there is still hope!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
)
chin up.