So, my W continues to stay the path. In fact, I have to give her credit because she's on somewhat of a crusade to "figure herself out." Last weekend she went to a "Course in Miracles" seminar with my sister. Some of you guys probably know what this is about, but it's all positive stuff and emphasizes looking inward for answers, happiness is only gained with oneself, etc. It's quite spiritual...
For me, I've purposely tried to put OM out of my head. That's not to say I don't feel crummy at times, but I don't really bring it up with her much anymore. Things seem to be getting easier in that regard.
In this vein, my W said something to me interesting the other day...after her seminar. We were having an R talk and I told her that I thought everything in life has a purpose...even her A, but that I didn't want my view of that to make her think that her behavior was okay, 'cuz it wasn't. She made the remark to me, "I don't think it was okay. You have to forgive yourself for forgiving me." I thought about this poignent comment because it makes sense. Ethically (or rather, my ego), I cannot condone such atrocious behavior and I find myself resisting "letting go." I mean, I feel I've already forgiven her, but I still have this unsettled feeling inside me. This unsettled feeling, I think, is my conscience not wanting me to let myself forgive myself for forgiving her. I know, odd, but rang true for me.
In addition to the Course in Miracles stuff, she's also digging into that Anxiety book SB talked about on a previous post. As a result, last night she told me she's feeling less tense and doesn't have as many of the anxiety symptoms as before...
I also see her doing 180s without knowing she's doing them. She experimented a new method of disciplining our children this morning, which I thought was very creative...and effective.
So, as long as I can stay my course and she stays hers, I think we're good. I still have lots of "junk" to work through, but I think I see the light...
