Ahh...Bridget, I so much enjoy your poetic posts. You humble me, as I certain don't feel like an "ACE."
Quoting Bridget:Would it be possible for you to get your W's attention by somehow demonstrating that YOU are a hot commodity?
Make yourself "the babe" somehow.
Maybe sing a karaoke song in HER presence with ambiguous lyrics?
Well, I've been working out ever since the first bomb (10/01) and the muscles are pretty toned... In terms of singing...well, I play the guitar (about 15 years now), and believe me, singing would NOT lure people in my direction.
Quoting Bridget:Anyways, I love ya though I'm just a neighbor and we don't talk much. Thanks for your ACE db-ing!
Likewise!
Quoting Sage:I'm curious to hear more about what you mean by not really knowing w....could this be a good thing? a discovery process? kind of like dating and falling in love all over again?
What about pulling out those "expectations" and getting them on the proverbial table? You can figure out which ones are "reasonable" (whatever that means) and which are not (again). Are those expectations blocking you from enjoying what you have today, right now????
Hmm...this is a tough one, Sage. I'm just wondering if I'm trading one illusion for another. Let me explain.
For years I've been head over heels for my W, and she's made "unhealthy" decisions over the years that should have been big red flags...that should have "shown" me what she is capable of. Well, because of my infatuation, I chose to ignore those signals and live in an illusion of putting her on a pedestal and thinking she was incapable of doing X, Y, and Z because she married me and when two people marry, promises are made that CANNOT be broken. Well, we know where that got me.
So, the sh!t hits the fan, I begin to DB and see my own shortcomings. At the same time, I do my utmost to improve my R with my W because I had the tools at my disposal to do so. Heck, I began to feel like a DB zealot, chomping up every bit of information I could get my hands on! By reading how to use these tools I came to create an image in my mind of what a "true, healthy R" should be like. Well, I think I've created some utopian illusion of something I will NEVER be able to achieve. Rather than be happy with how things have progressed in my situation, I'm instead focusing on what's still missing... Thus, I imagine my situation, even with all of the associated sh!t, is likely much better than most peoples' Rs!
So, this leads me to not "knowing" my W. Since I've built this grand illusion of what I "thought" she was, with all of her previous deceptions, I now don't know who she really is. Does that make sense? It's rather hard to explain. In fact, she'd say she didn't know who she was too...which makes this ever more difficult!!! Part of it is my insecurities...what is she thinking...is she happy...will she have another A if things get tough...and so on. I guess, in a nutshell, it comes down to not trusting her...
I know that was verbose, but you asked.
Quoting lettie:FORGET about going to that bar.
I agree, lettie. I asked her last night WHY she wanted to go and she as much as admitted that it was a pride thing...but that she thinks about it less and less. She also said that when she first mentioned it months ago, it was also because she wanted to test her reaction to OM...I guess to see if she still had any feelings for him. Well, a couple of months ago she saw him by accident and told me she didn't feel ANYTHING...and was happy it happened. So, basically, it is a bit juvenile and I will not bring it up again...not that have other than last night.
SB, that book you mentioned was, in fact, the one my W has. Thought you'd want to know...
In terms of singing...well, I play the guitar (about 15 years now), and believe me, singing would NOT lure people in my direction. 
Well, a couple of months ago she saw him by accident and told me she didn't feel ANYTHING...and was happy it happened. So, basically, it is a bit juvenile and I will not bring it up again...not that have other than last night. 
