Yes, I have to keep reminding myself of that. In the evenings when I come home, my kids are all over me. My kids call my phone during the day, "to see how your doing". My S15 says that living with me will allow him to be more of his own person. My D17 now says, "I love you Daddy". I just can't see how I can stop this from happening to them. That's when I feel like a failure. When you do all the right things and then you end up where you were trying so hard to avoid.
This, if nothing else makes me the most mad at W. I'm kind of think skinned when it comes to me, but to my kids, that's another story. No I'm not going to live my life afraid to put my neck out there once in awhile. W always has encouraged me to be more aggressive about doing things and getting the job done. Now that I stand up to her about what I see to be wrong, here comes the papers. Take the ball and go home as the saying goes.
I don't want the D but I'm not going to live under her thumb my whole life. In my attempt to try to do so much to please W, I got too focused and didn't see that what was standing in the way of W being happy with what I did, was the fact that she had not found how to make herself happy. I think there were too many things avoided or left unfixed in her life that she could not be happy anyhow. If you do not appreciate what you do have, you will never be happy with what you gain with it.
Perhaps if I just keep working on what I do have control over, the rest will sort itself out.
