Thanks to everyone for stopping by. So, admittedly, quite a bit has been going on in the jetho household, but I've neglected to post about it. Nothing really bad...except perhaps allowing my insecurities and pain of the past get to me.

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So, a couple weeks ago my W came clean about her anxiety episodes. I guess she frequently feels pangs like she's going to have an attack, but it usually recedes. So, she's determined to read up, journal, and try to conquer this stuff. It is a result of pain from the past, stuffing her feelings for many years, and she just feels like she can't hold it in any longer. Basically, significant growth on her part to recognize this. She also mentioned that how she handles things is likely the reason she's so closed off to me at times...and if she works through this our R will be better. At least she recognizes this and is working towards finding a solution.

However, the other day she made the comment to me, "how can I put 100% into our R when I can't put 50% into me?" My interpretation is that she's saying she has stuff to deal with herself, and until she works through those things, she won't focus 100% on our R. So, more patience from jethro...ugh!
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I happened to lose my wedding ring just before I found out about her A. It was really a freak accident (or was it?). I gave her a backrub with lotion one night, took my ring off and placed it on the nightstand. My W saw my ring the next day and put it on top of our dresser, as she thought it would be safer there. Well, my W saw my DD (4) playing on the dresser and when I looked my ring was gone. My DD, of course, didn't remember anything.

Well, we were rearranging things in our bedroom yesterday and my DD found my ring! I think my W thought it was "from God." Frankly, I felt odd because I'm not entirely sure I want my old ring. When I mentioned this to my W I think she was disappointed, but said that there were lots of good memories associated with that ring too. So, I guess I need to have a better attitude. I also mentioned to her that I was kind of wanting her to make a gesture of buying me a new ring, as that would show me where she wanted to be. Her response was that she had been thinking about that...

But, I think my reaction was not what she was hoping for, so I hope I didn't burst her bubble too much. Frankly, I'm kind of disappointed in myself for my reaction...
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My W has mentioned how she wants to go to bar where she met OM...and where OM frequents (very often I might add). Her reasoning is that she kind of wants to make a quick appearance, show everyone that she's got it together (as she thinks there were rumors) and then leave. Kind of a pride thing. She wants me to come, but I'm afraid of seeing OM because I don't know how I'll react. I tell her that I don't feel comfortable with this yet, and that I feel somewhat unpredictable in my reaction to OM if he happens to be there (which would be very likely). So, I don't really know what to do... She's not pushing it, but has mentioned it a few times now. What do you guys think?
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BTW, a couple weeks ago, my W and I went to sing Karaoke and she sang Lyin' Eyes. YUCK! You guys ever really listen to those lyrics? She kept giving me pointed looks while singing the song.

jethro