Hi Jethro,
Well it looks like I've come to the "party" a bit late, but wanted to give a slightly different slant.

I'm going to use the analogy of a garden here. You've worked hard so that those plants are vibrant with loads of buds, and it does take constant nurturing to bear blossoms and fruit, but it also takes the right balance too. It takes the right amount of water, food, sunshine, pruning, etc...

No doubt jethro you work hard at M, but some of the effort may not be as effective as others. You say your W returns it in spurts. What were you doing just before or during those spurts? Is it something you were doing different than during her lulls.? What can you do to nurture those spurts to remain around for a while longer? What can you do to nurture those endearing feeling that you wish to receive.

In some ways it sounds like your W settles down into a routine and just coasts. Like dfb said, come up with some new ways to enjoy some time together. What can you differently that can break that routine and respark those endearing feeling towards you? Are there things the both of you say you want to do, but keep putting off? ... like maybe a resturant you haven't been to before and keep saying you would like to try when ever you pass by it? Does she mention some stuff she would like to do? (My W just mentioned she would like to take up playing Horse-shoes together?) Does she like getting little suprises now and again? Flowers? Balloon and a card? Her favorite sweets? Tickets to a show/concert? ...

Jethro, it not all about it being constant work, but the right kind of effort to bring about the results you want. Otherwise, as you say ... you tire of it, no longer wanting to water or feed the garden, and then it starts to wither.

... but also its as JJ says too of coarse he's always right and gave me some similar advise recently) , once you strike upon the correct formula of nurturing that brings about the blossoms and fruit, then set back and smell the flowers for a while ... and enjoy a walk thru the garden ... then you will reap the rewards of all your efforts.

As I'm discovering, when I get down about the way things are currently, its a telltale sign it time for a change in pace. Time to find something new to do or try.

... and to help eliminate the resentment of being the first to change or the preception that you are working on it more ... remember ... the feelings you have right now are your miscontent. You own that ... not your spouse. Its up to you to find the solution to your miscontent, not your spouse's. You have to take ownership of your happiness and not burdent your spouse with having to try to provide it. Then the reward of all your efforts is in sharing your happiness her and have her sharing her's with you. Isn't this jethro, ultimately what you are striving for?

'til later,
KAW