Quote: For me, it's more that I know what patterns represent what didn't work in the past and I don't want to repeat those patterns. Also, I know what it takes to draw her closer, and she knows (as I've told her a million times) what it takes to draw me closer. This is what we need to work on, and frankly, I do far more work than she...and she will admit it.
does it matter who does more of the work as long as it gets done? why do we keep these score cards? I did the dishes and put the kids to bed, you cut the lawn and put out the trash? let's see you owe me x y z...doesn't seem right does it? how would we feel if our spouses kept such score cards with us? do we even consider that maybe though we think we are doing more (ok maybe we actually are) we are just doing more of what doesn't work and trying to give ourselves credit for it?
Quote: Honest to God, I don't know. I feel I "give" pretty consistently while she does it in more "spurts."
when I tried to address this same issue with my h, the response I got was "I'm human" in other words he has good days and bad days...some days he can give more and some less....he also pointed out that if/when I have a down day or a day when I'm simply not giving as much (as if it actually just happens) he understands and doesn't take it personally. Jethro are you taking it personally when w doesn't give as much as you think she should to you?
Quote: Quoting LL: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- what makes you so sure? how do you "know" that she'd do anything differently? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Because of how she has behaved in the past, LL.
what do you mean by "how she behaved in the past"? do you treat her the same as you did in the past? do you look at her the same way? do you love her any less than you did before. (I'm afraid of what the answer to the last one will be)
now that I've written all this I'm feeling like I already responded to this post and it wasn't the one I was looking for...in anycase if I've pointed out anything new let me know what you think...if I've contradicted myself well shame on me and let me know. Now to search for the post I think I came to reply to.
