We are on a Flat Spiral (?)

[Bagheera]

Baggy - I agree with you in theory, but I have little hope that either NTE or his wife will really put in the hard work necessary to fix this. Therefore, I can see a situation where he will end up in the basement in this in-house separation for the next 10 years until the kids are grown up.....

I hear ya, DQ. When I moved out of the master bedroom and into my home office, I wasn't sure if I would ever return to the master again either. Rather like Near, I felt like I was just doing time until the youngest kid turned 18. That situation lasted for about 5 years, until I decided enough was enough --> it was either time to fix the marriage or give it up. Luckily, my story has a happy ending: we're back together in the same bedroom now, and our relationship is better than it has been in many years.

So I agree with you -- it's a crap shoot as to whether (and when) Near goes back to the master bedroom. At same time, however, it's a CHANGE from the status quo, and right now, the status quo sucks for him. He can use the opportunity to focus on improving himself. His wife might initially say "Cool! Now I don't have to fight over the covers or listen to snoring!," but beds have a tendency to get pretty lonely, pretty quick, when you've been used to having someone there. Maybe it will cause her to think a bit. I hope so, anyway.

To Near's question: I'm with DQ here --> stick with the plan, and have fun with the kids. From all you've described, she doesn't make love to you, nor let you make love to her, anyway.

It's your call, however, my friend.

-- B.