Emotional Abandonment during Childhood

[hoosiermama]

O.K. hoosiermama, you seem quite knowledgeable on this so may I ask your opinion?

Why would XH act completely different from me when we had similar backgrounds?

For example he thrived on drama and intensity, had a temper in his younger years, was always having a crisis, got bored of our stagnant R, Well, he's basically the person in that article. Seemed to easily (simplistic I know) walk out of our M without looking back, etc. He did a fabulous job of hiding some of these traits and was a good, honest, reliable type of guy for 12 years or so...

I on the other hand thrived on harmony and continuity but was also easily bored without stimuli (still am) but I do not create or thrive on bad crisis, just like activity and good excitement. Would have done anything to repair our marriage and didn't want to be viewed as a quitter, etc.

We seemed HUGELY compatible and to have so much in common until the beginning of the end.

Any comments would be appreciated but I will get the book.

GG

I'll be happy to share my opinion--but that's about all it is, with a little experience and research thrown in. People respond in different ways to similar situations for a lot of reasons. Birth order, how the other parent handled things, presence of siblings, presence or absence of support/stability from extended family, school, church community, age at which things began to go wacko, individual personality, subsequent recognition of and working on one's "issues." The thriving on external stimuli that you have in common is pretty typical for those who grew up in alcoholic homes; everything there revolved around the alcholic and his/her crises, so you grow up waiting for that to jumpstart you.

I know that's a pretty general answer. Still sounds like H had a MLC; the more I read, the more I think the seeds are planted in the family of origin, and they're just waiting for the right combination of factors to take root and grow.