For the Guy with kids and a WW5

[hopeful4her]

The past couple of days, roomie has been calling me to get picked up from work. She is calling right at the time she is supposed to get off. I mentioned it to her and she says that it has been kind of slow and she has not had much follow up work to deal with. Previously, she is at work for at least an hour past the time she is supposed to be off. She was calling me from her office nearly every late time, so I know she wasn't out and about.

Yesterday, I picked her up late. An issue at my office. About 45 minutes later than I should have. When I get to her office, I get out to check something in the back of the car and then go to open the car door for her. I had done it on purpose. Being a gentleman. Getting in, she says "I think I'm driving tomorrow."

I ignore it and get in and rant about things always popping up when you are in a hurry. A little talking about our day and the kids on the way home. Mostly quiet. I ask if she has spoken to her family. She tells me her mom stopped by her office yesterday. She didn't tell me that yesterday when I asked about her day. I'm also thinking if she was serious about driving. She and I know she shouldn't.

At home, we work on dinner. She goes outside to mess with the puppies. I check her phone and see only a missed call from OM in the afternoon. No other calls to or from him. A text from him last Wednesday. Hoping she is ok and he is praying for her.

Still not sure how he found out. Her other phone and purse is not in her purse. Her sister must still have them.

The two of us sit at the table to eat and she calls her aunt and her father. I hear a lot of "I know. I know. I will. He's here eating with me. I will. I know. We are." I hear her talking about her cousin. The one that had the wife who was running around on him. He has had a strange illness, too. She says "Tell him to just be a good husband and father and leave it in Gods hands." Before we left Laredo, he and his wife had visited us in the hospital. She was nice enough. Roomie ended up telling her to take care of her husband and kids.

I'm thinking to myself, "You don't realize how freaking hard it is to be a good husband when you know your wife is running around on you". He is like me and stands for his marriage. She came back around to him.

I know her aunt is still talking about our relationship. They are still talking when I take D11 to store for a magazine. Roomie is on computer helping aunt look up the cousins illness.

I get back and we shower and get to bed. She showered with the door ajar and so did I. I will if she will.

I wake up and find her right up against me. Her arm up against my chest and her leg on top of my hand. We are face to face. I take it in and fall back to sleep.

I get us up this morning. Getting ready, as usual. I realize she didn't bring home her lunch bag. I ask her if she still had lunch left from yesterday because I was making lunch for today. She says, "I don't need it" pretty quickly. Of course I'm thinking that maybe she had lunch with OM yesterday and still had lunch at work or she is going to have lunch with him today. She has no car to get her own lunch.

I don't know why I let this stuff effect me. I mean, it isn't driving me crazy, but I let it effect my mood. I'M NOT SUPPOSE TO GIVE A CRAP!

We talk about things at work on the way in to work. We laugh a little. I give a funny story about a client yesterday. She tells a story about one of hers.

When I leave her off, she is slow to get out. She is stretching. She says to have a good day. I purposely tell her, "Have fun." She looks at me with the look I expected. "Have fun? At work?" Her response tells me she knows what I am saying. I say "Yeah, at work." She still has a look and says while getting out, "Well, you have fun at work, too." Slight sarcasm.

I have to stop letting her see that side. It doesn't help me get to my goal.

Isn't this mundane stuff exciting? I have said that I am going to let her try to end the R with OM. Let her do it her way. Not try to oversee it. She has told me that she knows that she needs to. I think she sees why now.

I am so confused as what to do now. With her illness. It is like I have stopped detaching and now going to try to connect again, in a way. My sitch has taken a strange twist. It feels like she is at least CONSIDERING considering, if you know what I mean. I have to find the perfect balance of husband and best friend.

I am supposed to be both. The other day, she called me her best friend when she was talking to S14. At least, that is what she told me. That was Saturday. Definately a strange day that day. She was all over the place.

After we went to the movie on Saturday night, we went to the grocery store for some dog food and other things. It was past midnight. We spent about an hour in the hair product section, finding her some stuff for her hair. Making each other smell this and making each other smell that. Her asking me what I thought about this one and me asking her what she thought about that one. Her putting something in her hair and making me smell it. Her finding something for me and putting some in my hair. It was SO nice to be there with her. Those moments that we LBS's cherish when given the chance.

I know so many on here would love to have more of those moments with our spouses, if they could. I think kat and karen would agree.

I get them here and there.

It feels like when I started activley pursuing her a several months ago. Before I got here. It was actually going well, but I went a bit overboard. I was really pushing hard. Daily texts, daily emails. I love you's. Pet names.

I am getting the feeling that she is kind of wanting me to pursue. This time, it will be measured. She is testing, I think. I will not push. Just be who I am supposed to be. I am VERY cautious. Cautious optimism.

Ok, I have written and feel better. It feels great to come here and just get this stuff out.

I need some imput. I give a lot of info, so ya'll have a pretty good idea of how things are in my life. I will take any and all input. Am I being stupid? Am I doing the wrong thing? Again, I feel like I have been given a chance here. From the Big Guy upstairs.

I even expect the requisite 2x4's and 4x4's.