Hello everyone. Thanks to everyone's visits. They are much appreciated. I took everyone's advice and stayed away from the BB a bit...tried to step back and chill. Admittedly, I find it hard to be on the BB sometimes, as it is a constant reminder of my W's infidelity. I'm afraid soon I'll have to stop coming here, but I don't yet have the nerve. It was good to take some time away, but I do miss you guys and think of all of you often.
I continue to go through my day-to-day struggles with the afteraffects of her A. I just sometimes feel like I can't get over it. Hopefully, someday soon it won't bother me so much. It just disgusts me. My W continues to be remorseful about the whole thing, but it is of little consolation to me. Don't get me wrong, it helps to hear her say she's sorry, but nothing except time and my own efforts will really heal my pain. I keep telling myself that "I just need to get over it," but alas, it's easier said than done.
I am also plagued with the fact that I'm not sure that she REALLY loves me. I mean, she says she does, but I'm not convinced. I question whether she's just resigned herself to being M to me because we have a family and history together. Occasionally she DOES tell me that she loves me, but these moments seem fleeting. I do appreciate them, but again, they are rare. For her, this has been the biggest dilemma in our R because for years she's questioned her love for me. We've both talked about this and she tells me that she does feel love for me sometimes, and that she wonders if it is an intimacy block within herself preventing herself from letting go (or letting me in). I believe this MAY be true, but I don't want to wait the rest of life to find out. I do have expectations of what a healthy R should be and although we seem to be getting there, we've got a ways to go.
Patience...patience...patience...
Thanks for the poem, Sandra.
Appreciate the feedback, meTarzana. And how are things going with you, my dear?
KAW, like I previously said, I took your advice and went on a "mental hiatus." I believe it has definitely done some good. Like you, work for me lately has also been demanding...
Hey Stacy, long time no talk. I'll try and get over to your thread soon.
Hi PNT! Glad you came by. It has been some time. I'll try to catch up soon.
BobM, I very much appreciate your insights. How often do you feel angry/resentful? Do you find it gets to be less and less? I'm struggling with this almost daily. I do think that she has NOW told everything there is to know. I mean, sometimes she tells me details about the OM that I could live without, but I let her talk because I think she feels better about telling me some of these details...even though it's likely just as painful for her.
Thanks SB, Sage, SAM, Robin, and T24.
I'll try to stop by some threads in the next couple of days. Work has been crazy...
