but there was just this faceless entity looking after me and my sister.
Wow saffie, that is probably how your mom felt too.
Sue, I saw the show Intervention the other night (on Bravo). The specialist was talking about learned behavior and alcoholism. Its scary, truly scary, that when a child grows up in an alcoholic (drug/abuse/any addiction really) family, no matter how much they hate it and know they don't want to fall in the same pattern, it happens time and time again. He talked about the mom (the dad was the drinker) breaking the cycle, for herself and for her daughter. I thought of you.
