Quoting Sage:* expose myself -- without the a. as the "issue" in the m, we are back on level ground.
Oooo. Ding-a-ling-a-ling! This struck a chord, Sage. I think (and I remember about reading about this on the BB before) that I like having/taking the moral high-ground. Before DBing and all this junk happened, I would be a bit arrogant about what's right and what's wrong...try to impose my moral views on others. My judgmental attitude was one of the things that my W did not like. I don't feel this way so much anymore because I have come to the conclusion that, "who am I to judge?" Who's to say that someone doing something "wrong" isn't an opportunity for them to grow in the long run...or help someone else to grow? But, alas, I guess there are remnants.
BTW, this is kind of hard stuff for me to be writing about... I'm digging deep here...
So, when I think about this one, I guess I do have a certain power being the one cheated on, do I not? I have the power to give forgiveness, I have the power to trust, I have the power to let or not let my pain go. I can exert this power to achieve certain things...almost like blackmail. Now, I haven't been doing this (blackmail), but I still KNOW I have it. You see? Taking the moral high-ground, even without reminding my W of my "morals," still gives me this power. And power leads to control, does it not? And control (being a child of an alcoholic) is something I need to let go of...because I only have control over me.
WOW!
So, I believe this is one dynamic. The other is that I'm just plain scared. I'm scared to trust her again. I'm scared to give myself fully to my M because I'll be totally exposing myself. And my pain reminds me to be careful. I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!!!
Thanks, Sage. Interesting...
Quoting JS:But positive growth is always good.
Yup. Changing for the better can never be a bad thing.
Quoting Dagny:You said you are dudley-do right. Is your W intimitated by this? Here she does the worse thing in a M, realizes her mistake, but has probably been scared to give you details, how can she confirm the suspicions of a man who is moral when she has been amoral.
I think you kind of said the same thing as Sage, but it was her words that really got to me. Thanks Dag.
Quoting Sue:He tests us many times..in many ways.
That he does, Sue, that he does... Thanks.
Thanks so much everyone. I think I've gained a bit of clarity today. This was a helpful exercise.
