Quoting KAW:I get the feeling Jethro that with the second half of that sentence, that the painful portion of this experience won't continue for too much longer...
Not sure, KAW. For whatever reason, I feel like I'm reliving the afteraffects of knowing she had an A again. I am, frankly, having trouble processing all of this information. In a way, I feel like my head is going to explode. I'm having trouble concentrating on much of anything...although this has been an ongoing problem as a result of my M problems. My W continues to apologize, but I have to be careful what I say and when I say it so as to not throw her into too much of a funk.
The other night I couldn't sleep...felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest... I was restless. So, around 1 or 2 AM my W and I began talking. I just felt so stressed and said to her, "something's got to give." Well, this made her nervous about my health and started feeling an anxiety attack coming on. Great. So, here I am laying with my heart feeling like it's going to jump out of my chest and next to me my W who was trying to avoid having an anxiety attack. What a pair we are. See what I mean about what I can say? It wasn't like I was going off or anything...just telling her how I was feeling.
I don't know if everything is coming to a head or what...if all of the crap that has built up inside me needs to exit my body...I just don't know. I also find it difficult coming to the BB to vent like this because so many think of my situation as great, but I still find myself in the so much pain sometimes.
Not only do I find it difficult to concentrate, but I am so overwhelmed with this junk that I am getting lazy. Although, admittedly, I try to purposely fight this by doing stuff anyway. Gotta be action oriented!
So on and on it goes... I know I need to get my head straight. I know I need to continue doing all those things I've been doing. I know I need to concentrate on the positives. I know all this, yet I just can't seem to get my head above water. Dammit, it's frustrating! I need a vacation and I need time to sort all of these conflicting feelings.
Quoting SBH-SAM:This may be too late, but always give yourself time to be mad and be selfish and have a self-pity mope.
I think I am...
Quoting RJJ:I am hurting for you, my friend.
Thanks, Robin. It's nice to hear from you.
Quoting SBH:You have every right to feel the same feelings as you did just after you found out what was going on. And yes, it would have been nice if she had told you everything up front so the wound would be deeper, but could heal all together; as opposed to reopening the wound that was created when the affair was discovered and thusly leaving an uglier scar.
You summed it up well, SBH.
Quoting SBH:Tell her, "This is it. Is there anything else I should know. Tell me now so we can fix it, otherwise I don't feel I can trust you."
I'm afraid telling her this makes little difference. She decides what I need to know when based on her ideas of protecting my feelings. I believe her intentions are good, but it's not good for me. I think, for now, I am just going to have to "believe her." She is very adamant that I know everything; however, she's been this adamant before and I've come to find out more information.
I don't know, guys. I think that I really need to take a vacation and recharge my batteries. Too much is going on right now and I'm getting overwhelmed. I can only hope that with each passing day I'll feel better. Dear God I hope so...