I should have clarified - but it does seem as if we're making progress in repairing our relationship. At this point, we're both moving very slowly as neither of us are 100% certain of what we want to do, but we're taking baby steps closer to each other with the hope that it will either make us realize that we truly want to fix things or that separation (D?) is really the best course of action. Only time will tell... unfortunately.
Me (WAW) 30 H (LBS) 31 T since 6/10/1994 M 8/8/98 No kids S 3/10/08 D filed 6/9/08; put on hold 7/14/08 D finalized 10/13/08
Glad to hear that the questions have at least proved a little bit thought provoking. I hope they provide some new perspectives for your thoughts. It's not much fun when you can't see clearly.
No problems with the support. No-one who is here is having an easy time of it.
From reading about your sitch it seems that feeling truely valued by someone is very important to you.
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
I was reviewing my post on your other thread. Sorry if I was a little bossy about what you should do (lift the D papers and all that). It's kind of hard to be totally impartial. Just like a guy, I'm still trying to "fix" things. I'll work on it.
You're doing great and I'm so glad you two seem to be getting closer. It's great to see what you WAW's have to say. I'll be rooting for you!
((((((BIG HUGS))))))
-Flipper
Me: 46 Second Marriage WAW: 38 First Marriage Separated: Dec. 2007 W Filed for D: Feb. 2008 For more hope, click: http://rejoiceministries.org/
Flipper, I don't think you were bossy at all. It's obvious that you've been on both sides of the fence in this situation and that kind of insight is invaluable, especially to those like me who are floundering through life in a state of mass confusion!
Tonight is the first time H and I will be seeing each other in over 2 weeks. I finally convinced him that if we want to see if we really have a chance of making it, we actually have to spend some time together to see whether or not there is still something there. I'm hoping things go well and I walk away with at least a little clarity...
Me (WAW) 30 H (LBS) 31 T since 6/10/1994 M 8/8/98 No kids S 3/10/08 D filed 6/9/08; put on hold 7/14/08 D finalized 10/13/08
Tonight is the first time H and I will be seeing each other in over 2 weeks. I finally convinced him that if we want to see if we really have a chance of making it, we actually have to spend some time together to see whether or not there is still something there. I'm hoping things go well and I walk away with at least a little clarity...
Hi Lost,
I'm really happy for you! Don't expect everything to get solved in a night, though. In fact, it might be better to not try and solve anything. After all the raw emotions, maybe you should just spend some time together and reconnect as friends a little before you think about the R. When my W wanted to reapproach the M, she thought the only way to do so would be to move back in together to see if it'd work or not. Bad move.
You have to give it time and patience and slow baby steps to get over the hurt you both feel. I don't think either of you is in the proper emotional state right now to judge whether there is "still something there" or not.
Wise words, lodo, and I take them to heart. You're completely right in that we are both still in such a fragile emotional state of mind right now and I know that it is going to be quite a while before we are even in a position to make any concrete decisions regarding our R and future. When I first left, he told me the only way he would be willing to work on fixing things was if I moved back home. I told him that I wasn't ready for that, that the very idea sent me into a panic attack, and that I needed my own personal space for the time being. I think if I had gone back home, D would probably be final by now. I felt like I was being smothered and walking on eggshells the whole week between the time I told H I was going to leave and the time I actually left.
I like the idea of the "baby steps" approach - now if I can just get my impatient H to be open to that as well!
Last edited by lost3031; 06/25/0807:46 PM.
Me (WAW) 30 H (LBS) 31 T since 6/10/1994 M 8/8/98 No kids S 3/10/08 D filed 6/9/08; put on hold 7/14/08 D finalized 10/13/08
I think if I had gone back home, D would probably be final by now. I felt like I was being smothered and walking on eggshells the whole week between the time I told H I was going to leave and the time I actually left.
This is pretty much what happened when W moved back in. I was walking on eggshells and she was antsy and ready to bolt at a moment's notice. She never even unpacked her suitcases - just left them on the floor. When I finally told her I took that as a sign of non-commitment, she said she had left them out because she thought I'd throw her out. So clearly we were really not reading each other well. That's the danger of taking it too fast - now I'm waiting for D to be final.
One other thing - I've noticed you have quite a few threads going at the same time. Usually it's a better idea to maintain one thread so that people can easily see what's been going on before commenting. You can change the title of a post within a thread if you want.
