Guilty as charged.. I am a WAW.

[MaxP]

Bridgestone:
Your description (and that of SMARTCOOKIE) of a WAW's mental state are poignant and undoubtedly accurate in the vast majority of cases. The LBH's anger and hurt are just as real. The only way back is via FORGIVENESS...on BOTH SIDES. ACTIONS must be allowed to precede FEELINGS and actions are a CHOICE you can both make. Most WAWs are told this yet ignore it (mine certainly did, was told many times in C). They simply feel that "I have lost my feelings and can't get them back." While understandable, the opposite approach is futile...no one can recapture "good feelings" by avoiding personal contact and stubbornly maintaining an emotional wall while hoping to just magically "feel it" again first before doing something.

Many WAs will say "I would just rather be alone..." but this is a cop-out; most will (if they haven't already) find themselves soon in an EA/PA and usually with someone they would not ever consider being involved with (married, vast age, values, social differences) under "normal" circumstances. They will justify their betrayal of their own moral/ethical standards in any way possible to soothe the guilt and convince themselves that "this just feels soooo right".

AZdoc, great summary. This is such an accurate portrayal of my WAW and her reaction it is truely frightening. She wanted to be alone, live the single life, wasn't attracted to me, it was all wrong from the start, broke off all contact, then claimed it didn't feel right any more (why would it if you never see the other person after you leave) and finally - surprise, surprise - ended up in another R, which probably had started as an EA before she left.

I also pointed out that feelings require actions and actions are under people's control. However, I was the wrong messenger. So, so frustrating.

Vent over.

Max