I am not in counseling. I know it sounds weird and I see all the positive aspects of it but it is so ingrained on me that it is a sign of weakness, in fact in my family talking in general is a sign of weakness that I am not quite sure how to handle it or what to expect. I went to Relate (counseling charity for couples/ relationships) for a few weeks by myself when we first started having difficulties and that experience was quite uncomfortable for me. H has always refused to come – he also sees it as a sign of weakness and he generally finds it difficult to talk under pressure. I suppose I am a little scared generally of counseling and pouring out my feelings to a complete stranger, although effectively I suppose I am doing that here. Generally with my friends and family I give and find it hard to accept in return. I actually love getting help and feedback from all you guys and it is helping me so much. I find it hard to lean on people as I have always been the one that was there. I found posting really difficult to start with and hate confrontation, in fact I actively run from it! Agh, it's all pouring out now...
I will think about it though as it seems to help a lot of people here. Has it helped you guys generally?
I think a big issue for me has been acceptance. I have only just been able to say the words 'my husband and I are separated' recently. I think, why I am scared of detaching, is that I have to accept that it is happening and that it is not closing any doors. Stop clinging onto my ‘old life’. T you are very right in that respect. I also have never accepted what my h has been saying to me since the separation and I think that has been fundamental to driving him further away. DBing has made me realise that. Maybe it is because I am finally accepting that things are starting to get better with both me in myself and my attitude to him.
I sent him a text this morning saying that I couldn't meet him tonight but suggested breakfast next week sometime. It is a 180 for me as I would have dropped everything to see him before. I am a little anxious that I am being too harsh but I genuinely am busy this week. Hmmm, a little scary as I don't want to push him away as he is making the effort to see me. The whole balancing act thing is hard and dealing with the counter-intuitiveness (is that a word?!) aspect is new and scary! Will wait on his reply!
