Aww gee!, Jethro ... I just don't get why this has to be so hard ... always feel like we have to battle uphill all the time to get where we want to be ... but I guess we have to accept the fact, that is the way it is ...
Big-J, you have dealt with this for six months now and have done an admirable job in succeeding in putting the worst of times behind you. However, your W has also witness how this has tormented you and your struggle to put this at peace. She has to be anguishing (as Sandra has mentioned) with "Will what I still haven't told him be the straw that destroys it all?" ... especially now she knows with all her heart, she doesn't want that to happen now!!! She has made the choice not to tell you yet based on her intentions to ease your suffering.
You always ask me if in my sitch if I can engage with W more ... I understand that comes from - it works for you. I don't know if this is any of the ground you covered in last night's talk, but it seems like a prime oppurtunity to prove to her whatever more she is holding onto, in trying to protect you, can be let go because you are strong enough now to not let any of it get in the way of building towards a bright future together. Deliver that message, Jethro, then by doing this, you can make it safe to ask for her to reveal all, in order to get past this for good. In times past, while you had asked, I don't believe she felt convinced you could taken it in stride and been able to work thru it and had led to her judgement to not reveal anymore than she did at the time.
While it still hurts that you now that she was keeping this from you, I don't think she could conceive that there is any greater hurt than the one she was trying to protect you from. Her intent here was not to hurt you more but to ease you suffering in the only way she felt she could. If in your talk last night, this came out as not being far from what she told you, I hope it might make it easier to forgive. If you can forgive her for hurting you with having an A, can't you forgive her for trying to spare you from any more hurt.
So Jethro, are you willing enough .... strong enough ... to get past anything she may throw at you, that she no longer needs to feel she has to protect you from all she can reveal? If the answer yes, then can not let her bear witness to any internal struggle brought forth in what she reveals to you. If the answer is no, then perhaps, its best to let go of knowing any more about the A and accept her choice for what she hasn't told you.
