H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[happycamper]

Think I know why he isn't really saying sorry for the As (not that it really matters). I had an interesting exchange yesterday. I had been upset earlier in the day that our R was coming to an end.

H comes in from work, I'm melancholy.

H - I'm really sorry you're sad.

M - That's ok.

H - I never wanted you to be sad.

M - Well, you never intended for me to find out about the As.

H - Physically recoiling and aggitated We're not ending because of the As, it's not about that. I thought you appreciated that, it's not about them...

He was fine when he thought I was unhappy about us ending, when he realised I was unhappy about the As it was a different matter. I think he is very defensive at the moment because he thinks everyone is going to hate him because of the way he has treated me. If I say that we are ending because of his behaviour he can't deal with it at all. If I catch him at the right moment he is really sorry for them, but to admit that here and now is to admit liability, which he can't do.

Of course it is not only about the As (see my SSM thread), that is not what I am saying. But the As were the difference between me wanting to carry on our R and me calling it a day. We can't leave them out of the picture.