Bring on the Rain - Part 3

[saffie]

Kids are very smart. J had a way of acting pitiful around the

kids so they'd blame me. I reacted to it and thought he was turning them against me. Thing is.. my older kids saw exactly what he was doing and most importantly, that his problems were of his making. D4 might not be able to reason that out, but she knows who's always been there for her and has time for her. Be the best Mom you can be and it will all work out. He can do a lot of things, but he can't take who you are away from you and he can't turn a lie into the truth.

This was the same when my parents split up Sue. I personally think even young kids know, or have a fair feeling, for what's going on.

My dad was very manipulative....but also very verbally abusive to my mother when he was drinking. I loved my dad, and was totally in awe of him at the same time....but he was a monster before he quit drinking. Sue, I can't remember my mom, as a person, before she left my dad. I know she was there, but there was just this faceless entity looking after me and my sister. She left my dad the day after my 8th birthday.....and I remember crying for what seemed like days.....but that was as much from relief as from missing my dad. My mum felt really bad because I used to say things like I hurt thinking about my dad being by himself....... but it was the right thing to do. I knew that.

When I think about the damage to my persona, that living with my dad until I was 8 has caused.....and I think about the knock on effect that has on the way I parent my own children......... I wish my mom could have gotten out of there sooner. My sister is 3 and a half years older and the damage to her is even worse.

You stick to your guns and follow the route you have chosen. Your D will know it's not easy and as she gets older and older she will realize what a gift you have given her......and how strong you were to do what you did. I think mu mom was amazing to do what she did. She was way stronger than my dad.

I think very highly of you Sue. There are some truly amazing people on these boards and you are one of them. You don't want your D repeating any of the alcohol/ abuse cycles....just keep thinking of that when your H is trying to guilt you......you are not taking the easy route.............you are taking the harder, but infinitely more healthy, route.