Personally, I wouldn't have tolerated the phone calls. If they had continued, I would have bought a phone with a ringer that could be turned off. And I would have explicitly told him, "I'm hurt, this has been a long time coming, but discussing things at wee hours doesn't help and I won't talk to you at all if you continue."
That said, there is always a little tingle when my phone rings and I see that it's W (I only have cell, no land line). I hate it that I do, but I do. And I almost always answer.
So, I don't think it's a 180 as much as a boundary. People need sleep.
Regarding the other stuff to contemplate, remember that you're striking close to home. I found it extremely hypocritical that W said she'd support me when I started working long hours on grad degree, then became withdrawn from feeling like I was ignoring her and wasn't providing her needs, and then reinstated in her PhD and told me she just needed time to concentrate on her work and didn't have time to deal with a relationship. Difference is that I'm willing to place a long-term relationship above work, she isn't. And what do my PhD-holding friends say (who are profs at a prestigious univ) - if they had to do it over again, they would have tried harder to balance the relationship.
Okay, this is becoming about me, not you. But I didn't want to get you riled - just understand where I'm coming from.
Hope you're having a great night! I'm, of course, working on my talk ...
BTW, since you're now becoming one of us (quickly checking threads before you run out again) there is a group of us on facebook. We can't share certain things here, but search on fb can be a wonderful option. Just ask an almost WA who posted something that really moved you! No pressure, though.
