Sue,

I understand \:\) Still you ARE very smart and much stronger than you were even 6 months ago. Do you think it's a matter of you not being strong enough in that you're afraid he'll manipulate you into trying to work on the M again? Or, is it that he's gonna lay on the guilt and blame? Or both?

If guilt or fear is a problem for you (understandably!)... maybe it's time to face that head on and be prepared. These were BIG issues with me when J and I were separated and he was manipulating. Accepting guilt and blame he throws your way, or feeling like a failure even though you've done all you can to save your M will enable him to manipulate you. Fearing what he might do to use D4 against you is gonna zap you of strength. Resolve to not allow him to manipulate, make you feel guilty or use D4 as a weapon. Work it out in your mind and decide what's the worst he can do, how you'd deal with it (emotionally and legally), and stand strong Sue. Don't accept less than you and D4 deserve because you feel you have to to keep the peace.

Kids are very smart. J had a way of acting pitiful around the kids so they'd blame me. I reacted to it and thought he was turning them against me. Thing is.. my older kids saw exactly what he was doing and most importantly, that his problems were of his making. D4 might not be able to reason that out, but she knows who's always been there for her and has time for her. Be the best Mom you can be and it will all work out. He can do a lot of things, but he can't take who you are away from you and he can't turn a lie into the truth.

Sheila