Any Old Timers Remember Me?

[Creed]

Hey LR

You know I'm always around, and how to get in touch with me if you want.

We're all entitled to a pity party now and then, so don't feel guilty or worth less because you find yourself 'hosting' one now. Believe me, I've invited myself to my own enough times. What would you like me to bring to yours for refreshments??? Marguaritas sound kind of good in this heat. LOL

You know, when you mentioned about your conversation /interaction with your H, I tried putting myself in your place. And I know how I would have felt (even though I , too, feel that I've detached enough). My heart would have been pounding a mile a minute, I would have been remembering an awful lot of history, and as hard as I would try not to let his voice/words affect, I know they would. And you know what..considering the way our WAH pretty much vanished into thin air so long ago, why would we not feel this way. There was never a lot of anger spouting in your situation or mine. Not that it wasn't there, but it was kept 'controlled'. So, I think our first reaction to having a 'nice' conversation with our xhs would be to immediately remember what it felt like when we use to talk as a married couple, before MLC.

And it's going to take awhile to get past how your heart once again sped up...and then had to come to a deadstop once it's realized that our old Hs still aren't there.

GAL?? What life? With the hours I work, there isn't much chance of getting one. It's not the amount of hours, but the different shifts that I'm scheduled. I just wish I had a normal day job, nights and most weekends off. With this job, forget that! My hours have been cut, so I'm very close to parttime hours instead of fulltime hours. Something else to try not to worry too much about. S25 has not learned some of lifes lessons yet, and it tears my heart out that he keeps slamming his head into brick walls that he should know by now are NOT going to change. I don't know how to reach him anymore, and since moving away, he barely has contact with me or my mom, who were his greatest supporters through every rotten thing he went through/or messes he caused. I truly believe he has to start askng his dad for help now when he gets himself in a pinch. I don't know if xh will be there for him, but s has to start being man enough to ask his dad for help. If H has truly asked ow to move out, he should have more time to help his son(s)...sigh. Yeah, I know...don't hold my breath.

I'm so, so sorry about your dad. I have no words, other than I'm sorry, and I'll say some prayers.

Inspiration words? All I can say, is LR, you're still here..you're still seeking, you're still hoping and praying, you're still willing to work on yourself, your life and your dreams. You haven't stopped trying, and you have stepped out of your comfort zone many times.

Trust, trust, trust...and hold onto the faith that has seen you through thus far. One of my favorite books is Battlefield of the Mind. If you haven't read it, give it a try. I truly think it would help anyone that read it, whether they were going through a tough time, or just wanted to read something inspiring.

In closing, I too, know that sad feeling, of wondering if you're not regressing. I feel that quite often..but I don't let myself dwell on it too long. If I am, then I'm just going to have to keep digging longer to get out of the hole I'm in. And the only way of getting out, is to KEEP digging even harder than you did before.

((LR))