Too late for DB for us, #9 (was in separated)

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((cw))))))

Hang in there. I think you'll figure it out. I can't understand how he can leave you, and those two kids, but I guess we can't get in his head!

[cw68]

I don't get it either, but I'm beginning to care less and less about what he's thinking. It's apparent that our morals and ethics, something I always thought were in line, aren't as similar as I thought. I deserve more than I was getting. I wanted us to figure out how to work it out, but since that's not going to happen, I'm going to make myself happy and strong.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I think you will, cw! You have a lot to offer the world! You have a lot going for you. I could list it all, but your head might swell!

[newnamenewlife]

You are, like, so cool, CW! You, and many of us, deserve better.

How many days per week are you and H each going to be with the kids?

[cw68]

For right now it's going to stay the same: He has them every weds, every other thurs and every other weekend. But that will turn into 50/50. Just want to get my job and new housing settled first. Don't want to force too much change upon the kids in too short of a time. But 50/50 is the plan.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((cw)))))

Just so you know you haven't been forgotten!

You are sounding good. As near as I can figure, you H isn't too bright!

[Kalni]

Of course she is not forgotten!! I'll be joining you soon although I see you are in good hands already...

We are alike in many things too. I want to sound stronger than I am also, I think I am first trying to convince myself. Funny thing is, most of the times, it works.

So, be strong and stay strong. Nobody says it's easy, but I hope it gets easier down the road.

Thinking of you
Kalni

[cw68]

It does work, doesn't it? I don't know if it gets easier, but I'm going to recognize the things I have to be thankful for and try to grab on to fun things that may come my way. I'm going to live everyday just day by day. I know I'll get through this and I know I'll be OK. My kids are my number one priority and they can show me how to just live in the moment when the big picture is overwhelming.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((((cw)))))))

Kids are really good at that!

[cw68]

So yesterday my H and I had a MC session. But not MC to help our marriage, but to help us in divorce and post-divorce. It's all about learning to relate and communicate since we will be forced to be in close contact for a long time. Interesting session, interesting feelings.

My anger at him not being willing to do this when it could have actually made a difference came back. The SBT therapist was awesome and she came right out and said that she knew this probably wouldn't change his mind but she had to point out the reality of the situation. How the kids will be affected, how they are probably going to act because of it, the challenges they will face, etc. All the stuff that was my motivation to avoid the big D in the first place. As expected, it didn't phase him and he commented that he believed that the kids will be fine and that we will both find peace post-divorce.

Her excellent response to that? "Not to demean your feelings, but OF COURSE you believe that. You have to believe that in order to do what you're doing. If you believed that you were going to damage your children, you couldn't go through with that." It was a bit of an "AHA" moment for me because I just haven't been able to understand how he could think that everything would just be peachy-keen. She then followed up with the difficulties blended families bring, girlfriends/boyfriend, step parents, etc.

Then S5 really acted out a number of times yesterday and it hit me just how uncomfortable and difficult the fallout will be to deal with. A real estate agent came yesterday and we're starting the selling the house process. So sad. The upshot is the prospect of my buying my own house afterwards, but UGH. Then this morning working with my career coach on getting my resume together. Just so much frickin' work to face. I just want to skip ahead one year, or go back two years!

ugh ugh ugh