OK - very good points from all. Thanks for the input...
Am I looking too closely for flaws? Maybe. Am I scared? Yes. Am I hesitant to go forward with this R? Yes...but is that because I am simply scared, based on what I've been through, and I am looking for an excuse to bail out and retreat to my comfort (safe) zone? Or is it because my gut instinct is telling me simply that something with this guy is not as "right" as it should be in order to move forward. That is the puzzle, and I don't have an answer for that just yet.
Beth may be right and this is not necessarily "needy" of BF, but what happens in a normal relationship. When both are on the same page and ready for the next step, it isn't even an issue...when I am holding back, it becomes an issue and a source of frustration.
Spitty, I can relate to the kids issues...in my case, his kids are fine with our R and my kids are not. They don't dislike HIM personally, but they do dislike the fact that Mom is dating and my time is not 100% theirs. While that in itself is not something I want to give in to - my kids can't make that decision for me, obviously - I also hesitate to bring another source of conflict into my home. Three teenagers is stressful enough! I understand that at their ages they don't want to deal with the possibility of creating space in their lives for a potential step-dad and siblings. (although we are not even close to discussing marriage, I know my kids see it that way. They watched their dad do it very quickly and they assume I will also) They still don't deal with OW and her kids particularly well, and it has been two years since they married. My XH's life is very segmented. Most of the time, he sees his kids or his wife, but very seldom together - and he gets frustrated because they don't get along as one big happy family. But he never had everyone together before the marriage - which is another reason I really like the two year (or more) time plan.
Well, for now, I am not making any major decisions...just trying to enjoy the relationship for what it is right now, but knowing there are some flags I will be watching for.
XH just brought the kids back...three days is nearly a record. And actually, one of them stayed with me...so it has been since Christmas since I had any alone time!
I wouldn't have it any other way, though. OW may have gotten the H, but I got the kids, and I definately won in that deal!!!
OK, back to the work. Thanks everyone, for your help! I'll do some more thinking about all this....
