I have not been here for a long time but this has always been a place of solace and understanding for me. My first ID was lastresort04 and I changed it near the end to GenuineG. I guess I'm coming here for a boost or a 2 X 4 or a swift kick in the a$$ or something.
I just read the most recent posts from Creed, MTN, Laughing and Mermaid some of my cohorts in the old days and wonder if you all are out there...
Briefly my story was
Bomb April 04 MLC WAH confessed OW Drop out type of MLC man Uneventful/administrative D as of April 06 Not much drama nor contact with WAH.
Tried to DB my a$$ of all that time and then tried to stand.
June 05 bought a mobile home after sale of our house. It's humble, but my own and secure. June 06 I got a job of a lifetime and made good money. My dad had a cancer scare in April 06 and was amazingly cured as if by a miracle. Not dating but in a place where I was open to that after a long time of not wanting to date while still M'd, etc. Lots of complimentary interactions with men though complications for whatever reason so no dating, but that was O.K. I was very confident and felt like things were really going my way. I thought I had the world by the a$$.
I used to have no problem spilling my guts about every sordid detail...but this is amazingly difficult.
Last contact with X in January. He was inquiring about his birth certificate (which I still had) so that he could go on a trip out of the country. Phone tag for a couple of rounds, then contact. Found he no longer needed BC as trip fell through. Nice conversation regarding pets, respective houses, jobs (or lack of in my case), politics, etc. The most open and longest conversation to date since this all started (maybe 15 minutes). Still no personal subjects or that of the giant elephant in the middle of the room. X did say he would keep in touch. I subsequently mailed BC at his request thoughit was no longer needed. Sent X generic B-day card for 40th B-day in May. No response as usual.
So now, the problem is I feel like I am regressing.
I got permanently laid off from the "good" job around Christmas and have been looking for a new one since. Starting to question my worth, though I know I am a good employee.
Can't get a date to save my life. Tried online dating and found it repugnant and a waste of time and money. Not much interation though I initiated contact frequently and tried to step outside the box. I am geographcally limited in "real" life. Wondering if there's something wrong with me and where all the good or even passable men are?
The cancer is back for my dad and it does not look promising. He's still hanging in there for now, though.
I'm having increasing negative feelings about X though he is invisible to me and vice versa. I was at a peaceful place about it previously where I had let go and felt like I could forgive. I have this kind of "he can kiss my a$$" attitude right now.
I'm not motivated to doing those GAL things that make you feel better as I have a "what's the use" attitude and now I have all the time in the world to do them but no job, therefore limited $ for fun.
I want to put in this disclaimer that I know many of you are going through things that are a thousand times worse and I know I am having a pity party. But does anyone have any inspirational thoughts or ideas to break the chain of negativity?
