And the day came ...

[sage]

I've been thinking tons on this reassurance things, as I'm so stuck in that mode. But before bomb, did you seek it in the same manner as you do now, or was it just assumed?

What I'm thinking is are we asking for something that is so different from what we ever wanted/needed/demanded before that it is not in their genetic make-up to do this and what we want is a fictional hollywood leading man?

Jackie -- I've never been able to ask h. for reassurance in a way that, well, actually succeeds. OK, "never" is probably innaccurate but I've very rarely been successful. The reasons haven't changed....I wait too long, ask in a judgemental freaked out way, h recoils, etc.

You'll see when I start my new thread that I'm going to go at this from a "beginner's mind" -- I'm not ready to say "I just can't ask for reassurance from h. he isn't up to it" -- fact is, I used to be CONVINCED that h. wouldn't pick up the ball around the house, or make decisions, or tell me about his day or ....and, DB'ing (and his hard work) has achieved ALL of those things. I think it can unblock me on this, too.

Sage