Trying ... well if you can call it that, I guess.

[Abbey]

I haven’t posted since my last locked thread very much, ... I’ve been on a roller coaster ride of my own. What I have found out is that my H TRULY believes I had an affair on him. He outright accused the guy in question and set out to screw with his life and job even. Quite the soap opera back in my neighborhood Paton Place. *shakes head*

All the while,... we’ve done some breakfasts and dinners approximately once a week, yet it’s not been as regular as he lead me to believe it would be before we split. So... Trying... imo, takes effort. He’s running hot and cold.

The reality is that his belief is that I had an affair. It comes down to 2 reports from reputable sources that there is NO DOUBT he believes this, and of course the OW managed to cultivate this lie in his head and so basically I’m cooked. How do you prove you DIDN’T have an affair? Answer. ... You can’t. I’m trying to “let go”... maybe he’ll come around and realize that this is untrue,... then again he may not. I have zero control over any of that. I know the odds, unfortunately.

Obviously I’m depressed that my marriage as it’s turned out, has been tossed into the toilet because of a lie... a lie helped happily along by the OW who sees my H’s wallet no less. I have words for this witch... but saying them on this board would get me hoofed, guaranteed. *sly smile*

Anyhow, on top of all this I find myself so confused as to what to do, the last two times we’ve met, HE’s been the one to initiate and show affection. It was him who asked for a hug (I’ve become stoic and business like) and didn’t hug him when we greeted etc. I know he’s heavily involved with her and I’m pulling back. He specifically asked me for hugs during that meeting though. And then the last meeting, he spontaneously reached out and ran his hand down my entire arm in an affectionate way before we hugged to say goodbye. We hugged a few times and he even came and gave me another hug (at my request) after he had already walked to his car.

That was last Friday. But I haven’t heard from him since though. What the hell do I do here? He’s let me go in his mind, I think and I think although he's good at hiding it, it's painful for both of us to see each other. He's lost a pile of weight etc. He’s determined to be “nice” I think to one another, but based on the reality I face regarding what he believes... he’s hurt ... and I think his bruised ego regardless of it being unnecessary... isn’t going to let him feel anything for me for a long time.

At the moment (and even though our last parting was "sweet")... I haven’t called him and won’t. Gotta give him his space, and I will NOT get anywhere as long as that ... witch is still in the picture. I’m working on me... a lot.

Trying to figure out what the hell I see/want in my future. I know what I want... I'm not sure if there's really ANY answer now, how to get it other than to put it into faith and "god's hands".

Anyone read the book The Secret?

Abbey