Just checking in, wow, you are getting such a good conversation going on your thread! Thanks for visiting my thread too
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad you can see how pushing/pressurizing for a meeting didn't work, but going dark made it easier for him to see you! It is SO counterintuitive, but I am so glad it is working for you! You are seeing results, they are just subtle and counterintuitive, and thus harder to see for the untrained eye
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I suppose I was thinking that I had detached too much because I was actively resenting him so much that I couldn't imagine having him anywhere near me ever again! I realise this is just a feeling and it has kind of past but I have definitely detached more now., and that is a scary realisation for me.
Wow, this is a great observation! Two thoughts--forgive me if you've already posted about this--are you in counseling ?? It is really normal to have intense feelings of resentment, hatred, whatever towards the WA. Dealing with those feelings is SO important, both for detaching and also for laying the emotional foundation *inside yourself* for reconciliation. Otherwise, if & when reconciliation DOES occur, all that unprocessed resentment/anger/fear/whatever bubbles up to the surface. Dealing with it NOW will help you in the future! and for me, I really needed a C to help guide me towards dealing with my "negative" feelings.
The other thought--don't be scared of detaching. You are detaching from your Alien H, and maybe the H from your past, but this is actually part of laying a foundation of clean, empty, healthy space in your heart for a new R in the future with H. Does that make sense? Maybe I am talking crazy talk!
One other thing that just occured to me. Something that helped me get to where I am now, is the idea of "being the greener grass". Whether or not there is an OP in the situation... you can also interpret it as being greener than you used to be Doing things that truly make you happy and help you grow. Like teaching yourself a new instrument and making plans to tipsily paint pottery
Keep us posted on your birthday plans! I will be sending you some Virtual Birthday Muffins full of DB'ing love!!!!
Thanks for visiting my thread too 
