And the day came ...

[sage]

Hi all,

well, I'm home from class. have a few pages of a paper to write and then I'm free!

I took a bold leap and wrote an email to h. well, wrote then rewrote then threw away then wrote again. Hey, I even mailed it!

It essentially apologized for last night, clarified two points that I think he misunderstood (one about ow, one about the "timing" of my discussions) and then essentially said: look, we've both been working our asses off on this m. I'm still stuck over something. I don't understand how we can heal completely unless we get upfront about how to fortify our m. so that this doesn't happen again. I know that I have done some terrible things to you that must have left you feeling lost and alone. I have cried over my behavior. I'm not looking to rehash the affair details. I'm looking to understand what we can do to make sure this never happenss again to either one of us. Can you see your way clear to discussing difficult topics with me? we could do it via email if that helps. I'll start...

then I listed 10 things he's been doing that make me feel loved. And 1 thing that he's been doing that I've been struggling with. I "owned" the struggle, I told him that I knew that I couldn't control his behavior but that if he were willing, I had a suggestion on a compromise that may work for both of us.

sent it. instantly wished that I could take it back.

Got home expecting him to be out with his pals. He wasn't. I asked him for a kiss. Got one in a funny manner. No mention of email but I know he got it. Before he headed out the door he ask for a hug and then yelled out "i love you".

Now I can't WAIT to get my DB'ing hat around my "crap". I dabbled a bit in asking for what I wanted. Feels like a step forward.

I'll start a new thread soon....with my actions, my DB goals, etc. May be tonight if I can stand the unbelievable heat in the office!

Sage