Does H always call that early in the AM? I don't think I'd like that.
So I'm going to play devil's advocate just so you have another viewpoint.
First off, the adage "we always hurt the one we love" is true in that we often go out of our way to do nice things for acquaintances but wouldn't do the same for those closest to us. I say that because there's an underlying current of that in what I read in your post.
Could he feel that he's done everything you've asked and yet nothing has changed? I would guess that he's feeling discouraged and lead on at this point.
You should determine what you ARE willing to do for the good of the relationship, communicate that to him, and then be willing to take one step further. Coming out from behind the wall is no fun and it's risky and fraught with jeopardy. That's what being human means, though. If you stay behind the wall, you can't be reached.
Maybe you should just tell him that this isn't a game of tit for tat - that you've been damaged by the experience of the last xx years and recapturing the emotions needed will take time, but you aren't rushing out of the situation. And you're trying. And you appreciate his patience and understanding but he needs to keep trying and also be willing to take additional steps. Tell him that the rule of thumb is 1 month of relationship work for every year of marriage - that should put things in perspective.
And I don't mean this to be a 2x4, but I'd guess you're letting yourself feel insufficient because you feel guilty. You're now in his position prior to the bomb, where you're caught up in work and you don't want the relationship to intrude. Could there be a little of that? If you were him and he were you right now and you heard your words and were saying the things he's been saying, would you be comfortable with the sitch? Would you feel there was progress?
Just asking ... I'm sure you've heard all this and thought about it a hundred times. I'm only reminding you to think of it again and try to determine what's really going on here. You're here on this board for a reason, so what's the next baby step?
lodo
