And the day came ...

[sage]

sage I really wish there were a lightbulb smilie!!!!!!!!!

ok -- I'm looking for the icon that shows me smacking my head with my hand (like the "I could've had a V8" commercial).

I NEVER said I was a fast learner, guys!!!

So...I've got school tomorrow so may not have too much time...thought I'd post my positives for today so I don't miss 'em:

1. H has called me about 8 times today. each time just a 5 minute or so conversation...but he called for a variety of reasons...all details about what he was up to, the cats, etc.

2. h read me part of an email he sent to a friend -- the email was kind of chit chatty stuff -- the friend and his w. are visiting labor day weekend. what's good about this is that 50% of the way through the conversation I realized that h. was actually READING me the email...a very nice (and unexpected peak) into the private email realm of h!

3. Light dawned on Marblehead and I realized that actually verbally appreciating the reassuring things h. is doing may actually work wonders! This is new territory for me...I sent him an email about all the phone calls....will work on the "realtime" reassurance !

4. h asked me what we were doing tonight ... I said "I don't know" and he said "I do" and made a plan for us to go out for drinks/dinner.

I haven't forgotten my commitment to posting my actions associated with my list...tomorrow night is a possibility since h. is going out with a friend!

Sigh. Feeling better feels good.

Finally, just wanted to share an insight I had this AM -- I was feeling really, really stuck on why I couldn't let go of my anger towards h. over not responding "on the fly" when I ask for reassurance -- now, I know that we're addressing MY issues about always needing reassurance AND the way that I ask for it, etc. but I was still feeling mad and stuck.

Well, it occurred to me this morning as I was walking into work...when mom flipped out, I called dad to come and help. his response was "what do you want me to do about it?" Even though it's apples and oranges, to my psyche I think it feels the same...I'm asking for help, I'm asking to be saved, to be made safe. Anyway, I know the KEY is ACTION and 180s but I still find value in exposing the CRAP that keeps me stuck. Maybe the next time I'm feeling so needy I can remember this and realize that I'm no longer 14 years old...I can save myself.

Sage