Guilty as charged.. I am a WAW.

[Bridgestone]

Hey fellow studiers,

I'm learning "symptoms of gastrointestinal illnesses". I need to be able to hear words like this;

esophagogastroduodenoscopy.

& then spell them correctly in a medical report.

LOL That's a good one huh.

Hi SC
I was a medical transciptionist during summers when I was in college... I remember the first time I heard oophrectomy.(procedure that removes the ovaries).

I think I re-wound the tape (yes it was a cassette) and replayed that word about a hundred times before I finally went & found the patients chart & looked it up.

Not fun!

Sort of like my day today.. It started with a 5:45 am call from H. He's doing some things that work for me, (he is- empathetically listening, just letting me vent, quit fixing my problems)

he wants to know when am I going to start doing things that he needs (sex, move back home, sleep in his bed,bring his family back, etc.).. he understands that I can not do them RIGHT now. but when can he expect me to be able to??

How do I explain the allocation of resource issue to him? I have tried. What I hear back is.. I'm doing what you need, now you have to do what I need. His idea of the golden rule. give as good as you get. I heard this as part of his defense of his anger issues. Your mad at me so I get to be this mad at you.

He is giving me what I need, now I need to give him what he needs.

I suppose it's a matter of priority.

Giving him what he needs will take resources that I'm just not ready to give him yet. Without jeopardizing things for me & my kids that I'm not going to jeopardize. It will require emotional risks that I'm just not ready to take yet. When will that be? When I'm ready. And for him, that is not good enough.

So It has been a day of letting myself feel 'not enough', insufficient, and basically a bad person for H. Am I a good person to me, yes I was. To my kids, yep. To a friend who I will celebrate her birthday tonight.. yes again.

So why do I let his negative defining words impact my mental attitude and tear at my self-esteem so much more than my own positively defining words? As the tootsie pop owl, wisely said.. the world may never know!