I just saw your post on Shiny's thread to me! Yes, he only read you and Shiny's current threads. The only one he read from the beginning was Calystra's.
I copied your post and sent it to him through instant message.
It is funny you posted to Shiny's thread because I was going to post here next. I just know you have had a lot going on lately. But things seem to be on the upswing again for you and I am so GLAD!
How would you feel about communicating with him? By the way, he thinks I have a LOT in common with you, unfortunately I don't think it was any of your good traits he was talking about!!!
Here is my e-mail address if by any chance you have time to talk to him. PSLuke@aol.com
How would I find some of your earlie posts. Did you link all of them if I just start going back through your threads?
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Sage sidles up to the "bar of positive thoughts" -- grumbling all the way (can't she just keep feeling sorry for herself???) but still inspired by LL's super-duper attitude.
1. I exercised 2x yesterday (gym in the AM and walk around the lake at night). H joined me on the walk. We held hands. We talked about baseball and my job (ugh) and other stuff.
2. 2 ILY's
3. Watched an episode of "Band of Brothers" on DVD. It's nice to have a miniseries to watch with h (still need to finish "From the Earth to the Moon"!!) -- I could almost feel the subtle tension in the room dissipate as the show progressed.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Sage sidles up to the "bar of positive thoughts" -- grumbling all the way (can't she just keep feeling sorry for herself???)
sure you can keep feeling sorry for yourself..but think of it this way...if you keep feeling sorry for yourself..h wont ever need to feel sorry!! so
Quote: but still inspired by LL's super-duper attitude.
hon, what you fail to realize is that it was you that inspired me!!
Quote: I could almost feel the subtle tension in the room dissipate as the show progressed.
continue to do more of what works!!!
better days ahead for you sage!!
what we focus on expands (i better stop focussing on my but then huh!)
keep the focus on the positive and it will help you through the down times.
"if you want it you got it you've just got to believe, believe in yourself" lenny kravitz
Quote: I am you and you are me Why’s that such a mystery ? If you want it you got to believe Who are we ? We’re who we are Riding on this great big star We’ve got to stand up if we’re gonna be free yeah
If you want it you got to believe Believe in yourself ‘Cause it’s all just a game We just want to be loved
The Son of God is in your face Offering us eternal grace If you want it you’ve got to believe ‘Cause being free is a state of mind We’ll one day leave this all behind Just put your faith in God And one day you’ll see it
If you want it you got it You just got to believe Believe in yourself ‘Cause it’s all just a game We just want to be loved
The future’s in our present hands Let’s reach right in Let’s understand If you want it you’ve got to believe yeah
If you want it you got it You just got to believe Believe in yourself yeah ‘Cause it’s all just a game We just want to be loved
Sage, you are a wonderful person. You have give so much great advice to so many people, including myself - and I am forever in your debt for it because I feel that those words led me to ultimately getting my H back. So I just wanted to make it clear here that I respect you completely... but I am here as a fellow DB'er and not to pat you on the back and give you hugs this time... and I apologize in advance if this comes across as harsh.
When Umbrella pulled out the 2x4 at the beginning of this thread, I think he was right on the mark.
I began reading your threads when I came here in December and now it's almost July. If I look at your the overall content of your threads, I see the same thing over and over and over for the past 7 months! You have been in almost the exact same sitch, worrying about the same exact things, going up and down on this rollercoaster of screwing up and then apologizing! I hate to have to do this but this is a huge 2x4 whack. When are you going to get off of this track? Don't you think it's about time?
I continue to see the same thoughts over and over from you, you go through the exact same things over and over - it's like an inevitable cycle that continues to repeat itself.
Believe it or not, I actually do have some constructive things that I'm going to tack on here:
"I'm scared that the reason h. doesn't tell me things is because he still doesn't really know if he wants to be with me."
Your H struggle with expressing his feelings - even in your recent posts I can see this pretty clearly. Why do you think that your H doesn't want to tell you things? I bet you can answer that pretty quickly. What can you do to help your H express his feelings? What can you do to provide a comfortable environment for your H to share things in? What can you do to be a person your H feels comfortable sharing things with?
When you bring up OW, do you understand why your H may not be receptive to the conversation or answering your questions? "After the Affair" and DR addressed this issue specifically. (Ceb also explained this concept to me.) Bringing up the past brings up all the feelings from the past as well. It transports people back to that time and was that a good time for either of you? No! Why would anyone want to voluntarily feel that way again!
"It's been an issue before for h. that I "ruin" things -- good times with a blowup."
Why does your H feel this way? Are you guilty of this? This related to the above issue of bringing up things in the past as well.
If you want to fix this M, you MUST take control of things. You need to control yourself, your actions, your reactions, your thoughts, your words! Stop sign visualization - anything to stop the negative thoughts. You know these concepts!
It's not completely out of line to expect your H to fix some things but the burden of this is going to fall on your shoulders and you must take responsibility for fixing the M!
"I'm scared that he's still looking for an out -- that I'm ok "for now" but that he'll never feel as though he can be honest with me."
"I want to feel like part of a team."
Now, I'm not trying to say that some of your feelings aren't valid but you really need to figure out which are valid and which are simply you being overly insecure. What needs do you have that aren't being met that may lead you to feel this way? What specific things can your H do to help your feelings?
Your H has been by your side for how long now? He has been riding this rollercoaster right along with you. He has told you that he has no contact with OW. Put yourself in your H's shoes for a while - look at his feelings and thoughts. How do you see yourself through his eyes? How does that make you feel?
You also said that you were going to use that big list you wrote to formulate some goals but I don't see any new goals.... did you get around to that yet?
Whew, ok, I'm done... it's really hard for me to say things like this because I'm generally a pretty nice person but I really think you need to hear it Sage. I think you need to take this very seriously.
Quoting calystra: Ok, you asked for my advice so here goes:
Sage, you are a wonderful person. You have give so much great advice to so many people, including myself - and I am forever in your debt for it because I feel that those words led me to ultimately getting my H back. So I just wanted to make it clear here that I respect you completely... but I am here as a fellow DB'er and not to pat you on the back and give you hugs this time... and I apologize in advance if this comes across as harsh.
When Umbrella pulled out the 2x4 at the beginning of this thread, I think he was right on the mark.
I began reading your threads when I came here in December and now it's almost July. If I look at your the overall content of your threads, I see the same thing over and over and over for the past 7 months!
Hey my friend,
I'll respond more thoroughly later but wanted to let you know ASAP that I appreciate your candor and caring. Fact is, while YOU were posting to me I was rereading my old threads. It took me, like, 3 posts to realize that I've been spouting the same crap for 7 months. I was making a list of the SAME OLD CRAP to post as an update....w/o your post, though, I'm guessing it wouldn't take too long for me to be back in the same old, same old.
SO...like I said, will respond in detail when I've drunken in all of your words.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my plea! You are a wonderful DB'er and friend.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
That took a lot of guts, Cal, but Sage, as always, took it in good grace!
Sage, I've noticed some of what Cal and you have noticed about the same issues repeating. When you and I were "Newcomers" together, we were on pretty much the same page.
Then I felt that YOUR H came around a LOT faster than CJ did with tangible affirmations of his love and committment to you. Yet you continue to have these horrible doubts and insecurities.
I can't help but feel that the main difference between us has NOTHING to do with what our H's have done or are doing. It deals with our distant pasts and how that shaped us. You were taught some horrible lessons about trust growing up. I was not. You had suspicians and expectations of betrayal and abandonment from the get-go and I did not.
I'm SURE, you, the great analyst, have noted this too.
The main question is: how are you going to heal from your early lessons and retrain your brain and emotions and behaviours? Understanding "why" is the easy part, DOING something about it, I'm afraid, is much more of a challenge. It IS however, a challenge that I feel you are MORE than up to!!!
...and you DID let H come around, maybe a little slowly, but what do those compliments and ILY's say??? A LOT! 
But things seem to be on the upswing again for you and I am so GLAD! 
I'll respond more thoroughly later but wanted to let you know ASAP that I appreciate your candor and caring. Fact is, while YOU were posting to me I was rereading my old threads. It took me, like, 3 posts to realize that I've been spouting the same crap for 7 months. I was making a list of the SAME OLD CRAP to post as an update....w/o your post, though, I'm guessing it wouldn't take too long for me to be back in the same old, same old.