Thanks for checking on me. I've thought about groups and even discussed them w/ my C today, but I don't want to join anything until I relocate. Also, no need to worry about my offing myself, as I can't do that to my D. What would the note say? Tell D I'm a coward and a quitter? Not the way I want her to remember me, so that is definitely off the table.
What I was saying is I was able to understand how easy it is to let yourself get down and low and how I can empathize w/ those who never have the strength to get up again. However, I'm not one of those, but my C did say that "anger" is the wrong thing to do and I should be "assertive" instead of angry. So, I won't get "angry" when I'm down, but I'll be "assertive" and put myself in motion on those days.
My C and I also discussed how I was choosing to allow W's actions to affect me emotionally. I'm giving her too much power by reacting to her stuff, so I need to be more aware that she is unpredictable and quit expecting her to be normal. However I do wish she'd be more consistent so I could either still love her and work to get her to see me for who I am or just write her off completely and close the door. OH, well. It is good to dream, eh?
W was very nice to me after dropping off D and she did her usual "jokey" texts and playing around on the phone on Sunday. I also spoke w/ her briefly last night and she was emotional about seeing the dogs and explained that is why she hadn't been to the house to get things yet. I told her I'd work w/ her on that and we left off there on that subject. I also brought up the house painting and reminded her that we both agreed to do it under oath if it was recommened by the realtor and I asked her if she needed something from the realtor in writing and she said she'd be going to work tomorrow to check her e-mail and she'd get back to me. So, it is out there and I'm hoping she'll come to her senses, let me get it done and not make it ugly. However, I'll get muddy if I need to do so.
Today, I'm ok. I'll figure out some constructive things to do today and then I'm in the gym tonight to lift and do some cardio, so it will be ok. Last night, I saw the Happening but there was too much butter on the popcorn and I almost puked. I ended up tossing 2/3rds of a bag so I'd stop eating it. I think I still felt it this morning when I got up.
Oh, well. On to today. I've got to be "assertive" and remember that "life begins now."
