He left then Cheat 2

[No Longer BH]

I hate this roller coaster ride we are on. Yesterday I was strong and positive depite the news. Today I am a sad mess. I miss him so much and dont understand why he will not chose his family. Sometimes I feel that I am doing it all wrong an that he is never going to come back. I know I have to let him go through his stuff, but I hate that he blames me for it. So many times I have read that the only way that we have a chance for them to come home is if they get to work through the baggage that was there before we were. But what if he still can not see that we were great together. I dont want to even invision my life without him! I am a very strong person and this has brought me to my knees. I want to take it as a sign that he is still lost because he is avoiding issues with me and my son, not as a sign that he is done. Here is an email he sent me yesterday. It is in responce to me asking him to take some time to find himself and then let us check back in 6 months later and see if we would be willing to try and work on a rec. I just wish I could find hope from it:

BH,

I realized that I did not give you an answer to your question of separating but checking in in 6 months.

I want to give this question the greatest respect and let you know that I was not avoiding an answer.

I feel I need to think about what you are asking and what it means to me, how I feel, and even talk with IC about things for myself before I can give you an honest answer.

I will not dismiss this question but it may be a bit before I can come back to you on it.

WAH

Here is the thing about this responce, if you read my last thread yo saw he has given me a similar email but has never followed through with an answer. He still can not or will not tell me why he has left in the first place, what it was that I did that made him want to leave. That just makes me believe it wasnt me, he is broke but has not dealt with it yet. Im thinking he cant say "NO REC" yet because deep down he is still is in love with me, even though he does not want to admit it. After all, in his mind I am the cause of all of this pain, so how could he want to come back to this. I'm just hoping the IC will help him to see that I was not the cause of all of his pain and in fact we did have a pretty good M. Im am sorry for the rambling, I am just feeling sad today and wanted a little pick me up.